Emotionally Unsafe: You Had Three Chances--You Blew It!

You either aren't listening, or you don't get it and we are incompatible.  I gave you three chances, and you've blown it.  I just don't feel emotionally safe with you, but I do feel manipulated and pressured and pushed.  So now, it ends.

I don't care how old I am, or how emotionally mature, or how free, if I want to wait to have sex, you have to respect that.  It's my body: I say Who, I say When, I say How.  You pressured me about that, and even tried to make me feel bad.  I gave you another chance because alcohol was involved.  I forgave and moved on because you seemed sincere in your apologies--yet I had it in memory in case it was a warning sign.  It was definitely a warning sign of what was to come!

I was sick one weekend and not in touch, although I made it clear that I was ill, needed to rest,  and needed downtime and space.  Yet you kept texting me about how "worried" you were and "wanted to hear [my] voice"... Dude, I had a freakin' upset stomach, and it was two days ... couldn't you just have respected my needs?  Respect my boundaries and limits! It's one thing to care and express care--it's another to stalk someone when they are simply sick.  When I finally called you because I was sick of the texts and I knew you wouldn't leave me alone and I had actually started to feel guilty --even though it was YOU who would not honor my boundaries or give me time to rest and recuperate--you spent 20 minutes whining about how we hadn't talked and you felt disconnected and needed to hear my voice and couldn't enjoy your weekend because you were so worried about me.  In essence, it was all about YOU!  YOU had a bad weekend because I was sick, and then put that off on me as my responsibility.  And I fell for it although I could sense being manipulated into feeling guilty for needing time to myself to rest and recover after having spent the last two months go-go-going non-stop with job hunting and work.  In fact, this incident reminded me of how you are always pressuring me to spend more time together; albeit in subtle ways that make me feel bad, rather than making me want to see you.  I noticed I started feeling obligated to spend more time with you, rather than WANTING to be with you.  Hmmm... this situation was quickly becoming more obviously effed up. 

That was the Second Incident, and it left me with a huge sense of WRONGNESS and dislike.  This was the point where I stopped wanting to be around you at all.  In fact, I was overcome by a sense of dread when I thought of seeing you.  I knew deep, deep down, your behavior was not healthy. Although I tried to focus on all your good qualities --and you do have many --I could no longer overcome the sense of foreboding and the clanging warning bells and lights going off deep within my Center for Intuition Related to Dysfunctional Relationships.  Alarms were ringing at DEFCON 4!  These two incidents, added to comments you made about previous relationships, caused lights to flash brightly on The Billboard of Incompatibility, glaring more brightly in the night than the Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing Missouri. 

I put it off for as long as possible.  I avoided the need for a break-up for as long as possible--although we have been seeing each other less than 6 weeks.  Then I knew I could no longer avoid it and we met for dinner.  I tried to explain that I felt pushed and pressured, but instead of validating my feelings you argued that no you weren't "pushing" me, you are just very open with you feelings and sharing them...  Then went on a 10-minute soliloquy about yourself and your upbringing and how you are very "open" emotionally and how most poeple take a lot of time to get to know one another but you know quickly if there's a connection and aren't afraid to act on it...blah...blah...blah...(not the first time I have listened to you talk about yourself non-stop for more than 5 minutes without even a moment's break for me to grunt in agreement). 

Did you listen to what I said? Nope.  You just turned it around and made it about you.

That was your third and final chance.  After dinner, I once again felt pushed and pressured and manipulated.  I felt the opposite of "good" about this so-called relationship, and the sense of dread increased. 
I don't feel emotionally safe with you: you are NOT going to validate my needs or feelings; this is quite clear! These are tell-tale signs about a future relationship with you, and that's not the kind of relationship I want-- where my feelings and thoughts are diminished by YOUR wants.  Relationships are about TWO people, not one.

Now I am Back to One, and I feel sooooo relieved to be free of the pressure you put on me!  Cheers to healthy relationships where both can feel emotionally safe and significant.  Thank you Life, for the lesson.  Thank you Self, for heeding warning bells quickly and avoiding another emotional disaster!