Ok, peeps, I'm so excited! I've signed up for the 21 Day Fix by Beachbody. This gal inspired me so much I knew it was another moment of my favorite life event: SERENDIPITY!!!
_https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PM-6OnG2WYQ You guys know I love to workout and be healthy and active, and this is going to kickstart me back to being a bit thinner, stronger, and toned. I've flabbed out over the last year. That's okay: health issues, injuries, traumatic relationship...but that's all behind me now! With the new job(s) and place to live and being independent again, comes lots of new attitude! Attitude, capital A! So, I'm going to drop this extra 10 I've added, plus another 5 or so, just to get back to where I was in 2012, before I left Key West! (Ugh, nearly 20lbs ago!) Ridiculous! I've done Insanity in the past, and LOVE it, but I need something that works with my currently injured hand/wrist. Can't do push ups right now or anything weight-bearing on my left wrist. The rest of me is fine! Sitting on my a$$ 12 hours a day is also killing me, but that's only for 2 more weeks!!! Then IRD training is over: I'll be out in "the field" teaching, and only have one more week to finish Pearson! Then: one job only! Free time and work outs will increase! I've already been visualizing weight loss and strength and tone, and healing! I'll be back climbing rocks soon, and cycling and running, SUPing on the river here in ATX and hiking the hill country!!! I was running 20-miles a week in Key West and doing Bikram and Insanity! In Korea I was riding 80+ miles a month and hiking and running and climbing and practicing yoga at home! Life is getting better and back on track! So happy to be free of trauma and dysfunction. Yes, I have learned my lesson! Still have lots of healing to do, but I CAN DO IT! Thanks to friends and family for support! The Goddess Returns! I am psyched and ready! http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/21-day-fix-simple-fitness-eating.do?e=433000
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Why do sudden fits of awareness occur upon awakening? I was lying peacefully after snoozing my alarm, waiting for my mind to drift back asleep - in snooze-mode for that extra 8 minutes - when, Poof, Epiphany! Somehow, in that few seconds upon awakening, my mind processed "loneliness" and "relationships" and "the rest of my life" and "seeking" and, finally, "The Now". So much for going back to sleep, my mind was on a rampage to awaken me, in both the physical sense as well as the spiritual. Within 5 seconds I went from a panoramic perspective of my past 4 relationships: their timing, their ending, to the in-between space of being by myself (aka: single), to feeling that familiar and terrible onus of the loneliness of desire for touch and companionship. Silently, I hollered, "WHY??!!". "Why" and "how" could I possibly feel this loneliness and desire for companionship when I only just ended a horrifically traumatic relationship a few weeks back? (Well, I was lonely and lacked loving companionship in that relationship, so there's one answer. But...) At this point, I was awake, although begrudgingly! And terror came on me full tilt, as I began to wonder if I would be seeking for the rest of my life. What if I never find a life companion? What if I wake up every day with no one holding me? What if there is no one to hug in awkward moments of need or abandon or joy? These thoughts gripped me in my room still dark, eyelids too fearful to open. What will life be when I am old and alone?
Suddenly, and with relief, sanity entered my bedroom and my heart, as if it was a physical presence. I relaxed and let go of my irrational fear of 40 years from now. I realized that I was, once again, living in the future, of which I cannot foresee and have little control over! My epiphany was to stay grounded in The Now, and be fully engaged in The Present Moment, for there, I am not alone, or lonely, or seeking, or lacking! In The Present Moment, everything, Every Thing is always okay! In the Present Moment, I sit here typing and drinking a deliciously steamy cup of chai tea and tap-a-tap-tap on my keyboard. Why be worrisome of the future and miss out on The Now. Why worry about being lonely when I'm not lonely now! Why think of a future of seeking when there is nothing to seek, Now? Yes, the answers come at odd times, and 5AM isn't my favorite, but it's better than Never. And now, it's time for that second cup of chai. Yum! I will add more later, but for those of you women out there in verbally abusive relationships, I hope this helps you. It took me months to extricate myself from my most recent relationship, I was too afraid. Verbal abuse crushes your spirit and deadens your will as much as being punched does. I'm so thankful to be free. I'll talk more about this in the coming months, as I work to heal and recover from the PTSD I have as a result of living in fear and stress for more than 3 months.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/02/the-invisible-domestic-violence-no-one-talks-about/ |
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