I'm grateful for all the inner and outer work I've been doing -- physically, medically, emotionally, energetically, spiritually -- for it helped me remain outwardly calm when my insides were a tempest of anger and fear. My emotions began to simmer and then nearly boil over, but I took a few breaths and a few dropperfuls of kava, and that brought me down to a point where I could retain control and keep my mouth shut, which was very important in that situation.
I've decided not to chew on it, because I can't control it. I will do my best to care for my Self and take care of myself. It gives me a vision of the future, and when I have that in mind, I am able to take action. I decided I would take the action within my control, and continue to do my best where I needed to
I let myself feel the emotions and then went home and did things I enjoyed doing. As I prepared for sleep, I decided I would have a great weekend and get up and run on Saturday morning.
And that's what is going to happen.
I am grateful I can remain in harmony, in the middle, and regain equanimity. Perhaps I'm learning after all.
Although I feel frustrated that there's a downturn so shortly after having an upturn, but at least now I am equipped to deal with it, without it crippling me emotionally and energetically. Acupuncture, yoga practice, QiGong, studying Tao, TCM Kidney tonic--these have all worked in concert to bring me back into balance on all levels. I am sooooooo grateful for this!
I recognize that I need to prepare for these downturns and expect them, then the down won't be so damn far down and I won't have to work as hard to get back to the top (or middle). In fact, the "downs", the "bad" times, the troughs of these life waves are not experienced as so terribly awful if I step back, breathe, acknowledge what I can control and what I cannot control, and move from a place of self-care as the #1 priority and compassion to all as my second. I'll paraphrase Deng Ming-Dao meditation on perseverance from his book "365 Tao":
The fisherman prepares and repairs his net in advance. Preparation is the main part of fishing; preparation of net, boat, and for foul weather. Then fishing is easy and the "fish fall into his hands" . Perseverance when there is drudgery, when goals have faded into distance. Keep moving, keep walking toward the goal.
The Tao is movement and action at all times, so that that action becomes ease.
...is practicing gratitude every day for 365 days. Began on April 22, 2016, let's see how life changes over the course of this next year!