I am grateful to FINALLY wake up with adequate sleep and lots of energy! I have tried every morning this week to get up early enough to run prior to school, and have been too tired from inadequate sleep! It was driving me nuts! At present, the task becomes tearing myself away from writing to get myself out the door for a run!
My goal is to run one day during the week on school days (Monday through Thursday), and then on Friday and Sunday. I only need three days of running to get my butt back in shape. I awakened with my alarm at 5:30 and snoozed once, then scrambled out of bed. I have to limit myself to 30-45 minutes of reading and writing or I lose my exercise time. On mornings when I am tired and lack sufficient sleep, it's hard to motivate myself toward movement beyond asana, and much easier to sit and write or read. A day like today is the day I crave: my energy flows inward and outward, I feel anticipation for the day and life, my creativity flows outward onto the page, and when I have physical energy (and time!) to run! I wonder if the fact that today is the last day of school prior to our Unit Break has anything to do with that energy, ha! I am grateful to feel rested, restored, and energetic!
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I am grateful for friends, who help me keep a level head, who loving remind me of my patterns or behavior that are self-destructive, who uplift me when I sink down, who remind me to stay present and grounded. I am grateful for friends!
I am grateful for change. I am slowly coming about, like a boat adrift on a windless sea, to gratitude for all that happened the year after my return from Korea. I am slowly testing the waters of gratitude for all the events that have occured during these past two-and-one-half tumultuous years in Austin. I am realizing the results of the trials are beneficial; that it all turned out okay, I survived, and there was much good in those horrible circumstances. Most importantly, I have learned - am still learning! - to stop fighting and struggling through the hard times and allow myself to relax into wherever the current of life takes me. Just as "fire cools", pain and hardship end. Just as "water seeks its own level", all circumstances return to a balanced state of ease when I allow it. I am grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful for these lessons. I am grateful for friends who remind me. I love you! "Whether we remain ash or the Phoenix is up to us."
-Deng Ming-Dao I am grateful that I am still in the process of learning: learning about life, learning about myself, learning about others. Everything comes and goes; continual balance and equanimity would be as unnatural as always being high and happy or conversely, the downturn of events never changing for the better. This is a lesson I am still learning, that life is an ebb and flow of ups and downs. Life is like the tide and like the ocean wave. I strive for balance, and yet, at the same time, I must accept those dark times of personal turmoil, challenge, and disaster. In the same manner, with the same acceptance, I must accept that happiness and success and the manic periods of riding the crest will come to an end. Then it all begins again. I want to remember that the negative flows into the positive and the positive flows into the negative and realize the cycle and turn of events, and find equanimity in that knowledge, whether during the storm or during the sunny beach days. If I struggle against the ebb tide, I only get tired and more panicky. If I refuse to let go during the flow tide, I will forget that the ebb must necessarily follow, and then I will struggle again. I want to remember the quote above during the downturns, that I can remain burnt and decayed from the upcoming trials, or I can shake off the darkness and fly up into the light. I choose to evolve! I am Sun Wukong! I am Gina the Light! I am The Goddess! I will always rise up into the light, because I am the light! I am grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful for these wonderful books that teach me what I need to know. I am grateful that these lessons come to me in the right time. I acknowledge that in current times, I am riding up out of a deep trough, hanging ten toward the crest, heading back to the top of my wave. In this acknowledgement, there is the recognition that once I am flying along my wave, I will eventually fall (even though I want to deny this and remain "positive" that it will not happen, that "life is good" and "all is well", no matter what), crash and burn, or get knocked down. Within this knowing, I can find peace and equanimity and prepare to "not struggle", not fight the downturn, and float along with tide, whichever way it moves. In that way, in preparing my mind and heart and spirit, the fall will be easier, the acceptance will be greater, and the landing won't hurt as much. I will get back up and get back on and look for that next wave as I move back up to the top. I am grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful for a lot of things, events, people. I think I will simply be grateful!
The first sound that arrives on my conscious doorstep in the morning is that of birdsong. I am so grateful for this! As I come up from the depths of dreams and break the surface of my subconscious with a small splash, I hear doves cooing outside my bedroom window, I hear tweets and twitters, garbles and whistles.
Even now, as I sit writing and enjoy my morning cup-o'-chai, I can hear the distinct melodies of 4 unique feathered singers. I was lost in contemplation as I read, and the songs distracted me and brought an instant feeling of happiness and gratitude; joy, really. I looked away from words and inward, and I felt gratitude and joy upon hearing such lovely sing-songs first thing in the morning. I felt grateful that I live in such a harmonious environment where I savor a sense of security because I have great roommies, a short walk to work, a quiet and meditative vibe in the house, and because I live in a great area of the city. I don't always love living in this city, but on days like these, I am grateful for to live where I do. I am grateful to teach at a school that I love so much, where I learn so much, and where I continually grow professionally and personally! I work with amazing, loving, remarkable, whole, authentic people. I get to eat a healthy lunch at school served by... now I sound like an advertisement. Let's just say I love what I do and I'm grateful to be part of an amazing family/school community! I feel secure (for the most part, but not all, but enough for now) at last, in home, finances, community, Hygge, career, body, mind, spirit, and heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh, and the squirrels welcome me home each afternoon with their own particular nut-hunting tunes! I love you birds! I love you squirrels! I am grateful that I am always open to learn and to change!
The more I read of the Tao, the more amazed I become. Aphorisms so simple and logical that when applied to life, can solve the most difficult of situations! When iron is smelted, it still remains iron. When in doubt, sweep. The trials of life are applied in the furnace of life: I am still the same even as I melt into your surroundings. Outside forces will always act up on me, and yet, I remain my Self. I must respond to all of life's pressure, melting and cooling, but I still be my Self. Money, friends, lovers, houses, cars, all change, and here I am, the same Self. In all of that, I must find level --the middle point. As the heat of strain or change is applied, I melt from solid to liquid. In that process, liquid seeks a level point. As the heat of change subsides, I reform into a solid, strong mass, again, seeking uniformity. Sweeping makes sense, too. It is a meditative action, like washing the dishes, or doing some repetitive chore that takes little effort or concentration, yet is magically soothing to mind and body. Like walking. It is an answer to life's struggles, just like the iron melting, above. (Well, beyond the simple rule of don't struggle!) Financial burdens, family discord, confusion...the answer to all is "sweep". It's so simple it's almost too difficult to grasp and yet, not. Both of these signal me to "sweep" my own house as I come across challenges at work that I currently face, and that the other option is to allow outside forces to act, but remain my calm self and go with the flow. Allow myself to melt in the heat and reform in coolness--no struggle. No effort. Wu Wei. Do Nothing. Do Everything. If I had been taught lessons like these growing up, instead of about sin, guilt, expectations, material striving, life would have been so much easier! But I am grateful to learn know, because perhaps, I can apply it wisely. What a great knowledge to take with me through the day!
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iGallivant......is practicing gratitude every day for 365 days. Began on April 22, 2016, let's see how life changes over the course of this next year! Archives
December 2017
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