Wow, I had forgotten what it was like to awaken without an immediate sense of anxiety and dread! The first thoughts that come to my conscious mind of late are worry about situations at school, and then a tightening in my chest and diaphragm, making it hard to breathe. Then I feel a sense of defeat and wish I didn't have to get out of bed at all, ever.
Today, however, I am grateful that I actually feel a sense of happy-for no-reason, even though I still have a day full of meetings and the potential for some kind of work-related conflict. But it all ends by 5 and I have the next 9 days free to restore and rejuvenate. I am grateful for the break, because, I REALLY need it! I am going to Bikram as often as I can walk and I have lots of research to do! I am so grateful to feel good for a change: physically, mentally, emotionally!
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I am grateful that I am able to create goals and make plans despite fear and anxiety. I am able to look forward and see a better future even though I'm mired in stress and dread on a daily basis. I will rise to challenges and I will depend on my opinion of my self and my life, not giving a damn how others may judge me. I'm grateful that I've moved beyond paralysis and no-energy to the point I can move forward again. I'm grateful I am starting to feel a little bit of that "Si, yo puedo!" after months of feeling the opposite.
I can do it damnit, and just you watch me.
Grand opening of new public library, downtown. Dinner and concert with my good friend: First Aid Kit. Fun times!
It's difficult finding gratitude on days like today; I know if I look I can find it though. These are the days when I don't even want to--or don't have the energy to--write a gratitude post. Yet these are the days when I most need to feel grateful.
I'm grateful to feel supported at school--finally--and more importantly, feel listened to and understood. I'm grateful to have rebuilt my savings to a level that is near providing me with a sense of security. I'm grateful that I have transportation, a roof over my head, and a warm bed with a heating pad (!). I'm grateful for the knowledge that I have been doing the best I can over these past two years: I've grown and am growing, I've learned and am learning, and I'm expanding my knowledge, ability, and wisdom. |
iGallivant......is practicing gratitude every day for 365 days. Began on April 22, 2016, let's see how life changes over the course of this next year! Archives
December 2017
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