Day 209 - Grateful for support and allowing

Once again, I reclaim my power and my truth. I do have friends who love me and care for me--I have distant family who are the same. I can accept reality and create my own happiness, even if it is alone. But I must even question that statement: is it true?
I am grateful today for the people with whom I work, for the little people whom I serve, and for good freinds. I get to earn money doing something I love with people I love. I get to be around the buoyant energy of children every day, and they fill my heart and remind me to be resilient and present. I get the priveledge of imparting wisdom and knowledge to these little people, and help make our society a more positive and loving one. I have affordable housing in a city with little of that, I have an abundance of nutritious food (and I have Korean stores so I can cook the food I like!). Every day, if I choose, I can see bits of Korea. I have time to study what interests me and what guides me to become a great teacher. Their are no ligatures holding me to anything or anyone in life, and therefore, I have ultimate freedom to live my life as I choose and spend my time as I choose. I have a healthy, resilient body that serves me well. I have dependable transportation to get me around town. I have a surfeit of money that allows me choice and freedom. I have a good life. I am grateful for my good life.

I am soooooooooooo grateful to work with people that create an environment of support and allowing of emotions. Yesterday, the grief of years slammed me into such depths of wracking emotion that there was no way I was able to avoid it. My wonderful Director gave me the day off to sit in it and move through it, so that I could return on Monday in a complete state of presence. My co-teachers were supportive as well. I think that their permission gave me permission to fully immerse myself instead of shoving it down into a dark place where it would surface in unhealthy ways. I spent the day in tears and sobs, crying over loss: loss of parents, friends, opportunities... I decided to let it all move through me, while recognizing the need for support and healing. So, I called a friend, went to acupuncture, went to the hospital, then came home and cried some more. I can't remember the last time I wailed into a pillow, clutching the teddy bear I still have from high school years. But that is exactly what I needed. What an exhausting day. But at the day's end, I felt better, I felt relieved, and oddly enough, I knew I would be okay. It seems I moved through all of the grief in my lifetime! I will still be sad as and when I need to be, but because I allowed all the accumulated greyness move through me, I am able to move on.
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