And yet, I catch myself again, as the words are fomented by my mind and subsequently expelled onto paper: I still struggle instead of going with the flow. I desperately seek the knowledge and ability to restrain from fighting myself and my current lifestyle. I desperately seek a return to my active, healthy Self. I desperately seek to shed this proclivity toward my vertical habituation and allow the awakening and stretching of my over-active, pushing forward Self. I desperately want to be that energetic, motivated, motivational, do-it-all Self that I miss so much!
In other words, how can I embrace where I am now, and yet make my way back...or is it impossible go back? Do I even wish to return? That is the opposite of growth. I would state, rather, that I would move forward to the next phase that includes habits I have held dear all my life and those same habits to which I clung for sanity, health, and well-being. I am confident that as I continue to pine for an active lifestyle, visualize it, think on it, and write out my goals, that it will--when the time is right--come about. My overarching desire is to be healthy and free of injury, and once again, enjoy those activities I adore with such fervor. I can see it all again, vividly. It's right there; I can touch that life. It is not yet beyond my grasp. In fact, it seeps into view along with this this brilliant sunlight that turns a grey murkiness into the bright blue sky of morning sunrise!
Every day I move toward my desire. I AM GRATEFUL for what has passed since I left Korea-- what was the date? October 14th, 2014?-- and what life has become NOW. I AM GRATEFUL for what is NOW. I have veered off-course from the original intention of this post, but as usual, as in life, it's always in the right direction.
...is practicing gratitude every day for 365 days. Began on April 22, 2016, let's see how life changes over the course of this next year!