Days and weeks like these of recent times are when it is imperative for me to recall reasons for gratitude to my heart and mind. The classroom is a daily struggle with the new co-teacher who frequently negates my ideas and a class full of 26 children who do not comprehend or communicate in English (supposedly an International school but has turned into an ESL school) I feel powerless. Construction occurs startingat 5:30am across the street from my building--constant clanging and banging and smashing is smashing my nervous system and sense of peace and the idea that my home is a refuge. The majority of my day is spent feeling down, uninspired, and frustrated in the classroom, and it is followed by overwhelming noise until after 9pm. I fell last week on the slippery, unsafe streets of Chengdu, and now have the burden of injury to add to the emotional and mental burdens I carry. I feel the downward spiral of depression approaching. Once again, I am not using my tools.
However, I am grateful. I am grateful for awareness that I have slipped and am tunneling down the dark spiral. I am grateful I know what to do about it. I am grateful for my beautiful new apartment with its divine bathtub. I'm grateful for friends who care. I am grateful one of my co-teachers is helping smooth things over. I am grateful for my financial prosperity.
I need to find inspiration and creativity in the classroom once again.
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...grateful for the past and the future!