Walking around the new digs: two butterflies were dancing around my head, banana trees along a (polluted) stream, an old man catching crayfish and minnows in another (polluted) stream, cool cafe I want to visit sometime, and moi listening to some theme music on the walk! Although I started the day with worry about finding movers--having been unsuccessful the day before--I decided to be unstressed about it. I would do what I could do and refrain from worry, which is useless. By the time noon came, I had movers set and my day planned. I headed over to my new HOME, which is spectacular! I have a divine, large bathtub, an wide and open patio, a solarium alcove in the bedroom, and a foyer beyond the front door. I will miss my city view and the living room/dining room furniture is undesirable, but I can adjust to both.
I am so grateful for this new apartment and the fact that moving will be easy. You see, one rule in China (for foreigners) is: Nothing is easy. And dang if that ain't the truth! Every single aspect of life feels like a struggle most of the time. So to find a moving service that will come and pack, move, and unpack all my belongings is a real treat. They'll do everything except tuck me in to bed that night, as a matter of fact! My Ayi (affectionate term for housekeeper) will spiffy up the place tomorrow and the movers will get me moved in Monday or Tuesday night, leaving Wednesday night open for my first Birthday Dinner. Yes, I said "first". After inspecting the new apartment, I walked around searching for a restaurant my friend had recommended. I discovered so many cool places around my new digs!!! Lots of great places to visit in the future! And beautiful. I decided the restaurant would be perfect for my second Birthday celebration (the dangerous one) and also found a cake shop. It's not Tous Les Jours, but this one led me to a second --local-- boulangerie where I will order my Birthday cakes! Yes, cakes is meant to be plural: one for Wednesday and the second for Saturday! Wednesday, a few of us will have dinner at Kathmandu, owned by one of my Kham friends. Saturday, the craziness will begin at Commune--who knows where it will end. Those of you who are my close friends know all about my famous/infamous birthday celebrations! Alas, no parades to crash, and I doubt we will be asked to leave this restaurant bar heeheehee, but hey, that's to be seen, right? Beside being grateful for my new place, movers, and my upcoming Birthday Festivus, I am very, very, very grateful that I was able to resolve some conflict at work that has been going on since day 2. With that solved for the most part, my apartment contract signed, movers found, Festivus locale settled, and a dulce de leche cake being prepped for the big day, my greatest concern is what I will select at Ikea tomorrow. I love that kind of stress! Cheers, ya'll!
0 Comments
The skies have been so clear and bright the past few days. I've always taken clear air and blue skies for granted, especially in overheated Texas, several wind-blown Caribbean isles, the mountains of North Carolina, and in the breezy seaside town of Korea in which I resided. Now, on a clear day, when the clouds transform the sky into a an artful masterpiece, I can see the mountains in the distance, slightly west, and buildings so many kilometers away; I am amazed at clear blue skies. I feel wistful that the fall will come and bring winter and pollution and near-black skies during the day and sickness from lung problems resulting from air pollution.
In the evening, the clouds skirt around the sun, a quick game of hide-and-seek prior to the sun finding its overnight hiding place. Even in shades of greys and whites, pale blues and pinks, the designs of the clouds amidst the rays of sun is spectacular. Every night, it's seems as if I have never witnessed a clear, blue sky or a stunning performance of the sun setting. Wonder-struck, I gaze out at the older apartment "village" below me as the roofs darken and the lights brighten with the contrast from late afternoon yellow to evening blues. Even now, I watch the shadow of my building creep across those same roofs, as the sun rises; the greyness ceding to bright polychromes as the sun rises behind my building, and the rays shine on the oldness of the "Village" buildings, making them shine sparkling like new. I feel like I'm in the same rut as before I left on my spectacular month-long adventure. Work is stressful, I'm exhausted at the end of the day, I just want a glass of wine, I'm too tired to exercise or cook, I feel down about the work situation. I feel disappointed in for reacting to the situation at work instead of pausing, breathing, thinking, and remaining calm. The struggles are real, with my apartment and language. The stress is real with new co-teacher language barrier and personality differences, leadership mandates that are harmful, and overseas teacher drama. But ultimately, how I react to all of this is what affects my peace of mind and creates the exhaustion, ill-temper, and feeling "down in the dumps". What will help me most of all is looking for the positives, of which there are still so many--more than negatives! I also need to go to sleep earlier to quell the feeling of exhaustion, and exercise! Earlier to bed means I'm up earlier, feel refreshed, and have time for yoga. In the last two weeks, I have started each day feeling overwhelmingly tired, and then, simply, overwhelmed. For what is there to be grateful? This one is easy! The lease on my new apartment is finalized, so I can move in by month end. My new place will be a home I can make for years to come! It has a bathtub! I haven't had a bathtub since NC (it was small and fiberglass) or one that I used regularly since living on the east side of ATX in 2010-11! This one is large and set up for weekly spa nights of self-care! It also has an open balcony, with the AC units placed elsewhere outside the building, so I can actually use my balcony! In my current apartment, the ACs are on the patio, making it both ugly and unusable because the exhaust maintains a temperature of about 120F. It also has a larger refrigerator, a dish sanitizer, a microwave, and more appealing kitchen. The master bedroom in this 2 bedroom/2 full bath has a solarium alcove where my happy self is going to design a writing/reading/creativity space (need that specific red Ikea club chair that I have in every house)! The third of my favorite aspects of this new house is the foyer entryway: my door is at the end of the hall away from elevators, the foyer will be a place to keep dirty shoes out of the apartment (yes, I am OCD), and this apartment is out of the damn electric payment room, which means my apartment won't shake day and night as people come and go at all hours to pay recharge their damn utility card (which is directly outside my front door now, so the door is slammed at all hours, which shakes my front door and vibrates all the way back to my bedroom at 4am in the morning--no wonder I don't sleep well)! My friends at school keep mentioning my Bday, which is next Wednesday, which is wonderful: I have people that care about me and with whom I can celebrate! I still have to figure out the Where and When! I am so grateful for the friendships I have formed so quickly here in Chengdu! Even though it's been a rough start at school, I am confident that we can create a positive relationship with the new co-teacher and undo some of the damage from the conflict that has arisen nearly every day. I am lucky to have the same teacher from last year, whom I love and with whom I get on so well. This conflict dynamic offers a good opportunity for me to self-reflect and work on my communication skills--as usual. But damn it's painful! I'm grateful that I am prosperous enough now to enjoy regular vacations, an ayi (cleaning service), and movers, in addition to saving money each month. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to travel to Nepal or Mongolia or wherever I wish during upcoming vacation breaks... that or buy a new motorcycle! I am grateful to be self-reflective and aware. I am grateful for the tools I have to help get me out of this rut, like this gratitude post, The Four Agreements, a wonderful Asst. Principal who actually listens and responds to my concerns and feedback, friends who encourage me, a great school in which to work, and opportunities! I am grateful! I am grateful for my friends here in Cdu. I've managed to quickly form the foundations of some great friendships here, and that is only at my school, not to mention from other places in and out of Chengdu! School can be a stressful environment due to cross-cultural priorities and communication styles. But I also recognize my reaction creates more stress than the actual situation. There is a lot of "talk" amongst foreign teachers, which is the metaphorical fuel for fire; our jabber serves to heighten the emotions and intensify the dissatisfaction around an issue. I wish to be a guiding force, not a creator of tensions. In my desire to help create positive change, sometimes I get sidetracked by my need to express my thoughts and feelings. I wish I could keep my mouth shut! But this has been a challenge---all my life!?! Aargh! I'm grateful for the awareness, and that my "new" friends here put up with my spewing mouth. I need to breathe instead of react. And above all, remember to "not make assumptions" and " not take things personally". For the awareness, I am grateful. For the friendships, I am grateful. For this school and the benefits it provides, I am grateful. I have a really good life here: my overall quality of life has improved to the nth degree! Life is better in so many areas for me: housing, financial, travel, health, surroundings, social, feeling secure, freedom, creativity, Hygge, professional... the list goes on! I am grateful!! I will focus on awareness, not taking anything personally, not making assumptions, and being a leader instead of nuclear reactor! I am grateful!! Sometimes I get so caught up in the minutiae of daily challenges, or all the minutiae of daily challenges accrete to the point of becoming a giant wave about to engulf me, that I forget to be grateful to the people that help me wade through the small pre-tsunami ripples and pull me out and above the tsunami of negative thoughts and worries.
I am grateful for the new friends I have here in Chengdu, Yushu, QongCheng (sp?), Xinan, Ganzi, Kangding, Lhagong... OMG do I have that many friends in 5 months!??? Wow! How! Wow! Yay! I am grateful for all the people that have helped me through the struggles of maneuvering through a country in which I have yet to learn a significant amount of language and culture! Even when I have an impatience tantrum, or a miscommunication tantrum--in the end, I receive the help I need. To clarify, I only have tantrums in the company of my friends--to vent the pressure build up! And my private explosions are good lessons to work on patience, presence, and understanding. Most of all, I need to remember presence, compassion for self and others, and patience! "We are all doing the best we can!" Thank you to my Asst. Principal who works tirelessly for me and and the other Overseas Teachers. She has been doing the job of three people for months now. When another would have just blown off my hopes for a new apartment, she kept at it and secured the home I wanted instead of telling me to settle for less! Thank you! More, but I gotta work now... and do my best to remember gratitude! I am blessed and lucky! Two good quote I received today:
"Don't chase what breaks your heart. Pursue what ignites your soul." Me (post of a photo cropping out someone in particular, whom I miss): "what's missing? Wise Friend: "Here in this moment...'How can anything be missing now?'" Thank you friends, here and far away who remind me of life's ebb and flows, to be grateful for the experiences I received, and to turn from what I think is missing, to what I want! Look at my smile... nothing is missing!!! I can focus on my loneliness or I can focus on joy and all that I have! |
Gina is......grateful for the past and the future! Archives
November 2018
Categories |