I was gazing around my living room last night... feeling grumpy. I still seem to get in these funks and can’t get out. It drives me crazy that I don’t know why I get overwhelmed and feel like the world is going to end when I am beset by multiple challenges, setbacks, frustrations, etc. It’s like I can remain positive and hopeful until too much happens at once, and then my tolerance level plummets and I just can’t remain positive... then comes the spiral. Is it hormonal? Is it brain chemistry? Is it attitude? Can I control it? Is it out of my control? I have no idea. I know some of the things I NEED to do in the self-care realm that would lift my mood, I am NOT doing. The fatigue feels like a vicious cycle and the actions I take to combat it (caffeine, sugar, caffeine, wine, caffeine) make it worse. I am in that same funk I was in before I moved and yet here I am, in China! Argh! But that was a reminder, that one thought: I am in China! So I looked around, and tried to think beyond the constant struggles I am having here with wifi and AC and language and food and etc. etc.
I am grateful for this lovely home I have with all its amenities. It’s beautiful and convenient and huge. Have everything I need and I am quite spoiled; my income is extravagant for what I need to live on. I get a car service to and from work, I can eat out when I wish to and order in when I want. I have enough disposable income to take monthly vacations, buy “stuff”, all the while saving money. I have more than I need. I can get massages and pedicures and all the luxuries I could not afford in the USA. I have a cush teaching job that doesn’t work me to the bone. I have co-teachers I really like and and a great suppport staff at school, both among the local staff and overseas teachers. I have made friends and I work with some really good people. I have experienced so much help here in China; it has been a unique experience. I never felt this “helped” in other countries, let alone the USA. I may have multiple struggles and frustrations that drag me down all at once. I may not becoming what I need to do to feel at my best, and I may get into funks now and again... but I am grateful for where I am, the job I have, my home, China, many people, and the fact that I have these small struggles here rather than in the USA. I hope I can remember all this, and that these struggles —while not easy—are easier here than the ones I dealt with in the USA. :-) I am grateful!!!
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Gina is......grateful for the past and the future! Archives
November 2018
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