I am 4.5 days into my 14-day fast! I feel good, and awoke a bit before 6am. For the most part I slept well, although I did wake up a few times during the night. I do not feel deyhdrated this morning, which is a relief. I attribute this to the increased teaspoon of salt I ingested yesterday, upping my intake from 2 tsp. to 3. Days 4 and 5 have been the toughest during my previous fasts of 5 and 7 days. My body is crying out for some movement as I feel stiff and my rib pain has returned. I am going to take it easy, though, and wait until day 6 before I try yoga. Maybe I'll take a walk later. Last night and this morning, I contemplated how I wanted to eat when I end this fast. Whether I make it through tonight, 10, 14, or 21 days, I want to change my mindset, behavior, and relationship to eating and food. As each day of fasting passes, I feel stronger in my resolve, my determination, my willpower. "Food is a powerful thing. What do you do with that power?" or something like that (I missed the last part of the group, but heard Terri's quote from someone else). Well, I'm powerful too, but it does not need to be a struggle or a war any longer. One of my issues is fighting What IS, which creates misery. Innumerable misery for all of my adult life! :unamused: Part of this process is making peace with eating, food, my body... acceptance, awareness, mindfulness. I will continue fasting, but it's time to visualize how I want my future behavior to look: rebuilding duration (eating), food choices, attitudes and actions before/during/after eating, and facing painful emotions and fear with awareness instead of numbing with sugar. There may be more! Visualizations for Rebuilding Days: 1. I want eat mindfully, which I have been practicing: no phone, no laptop, no telly. 2. I want to chew my food slowly, thoroughly (32x as prescribed by my TCM Doc), with awareness, gratitude, enjoyment, and savouring of each bit. 3. When I decide on the IF interval that works best for me, I want to achieve consistency, for at least one week at a time, and build up to one month of consistency with the same IF. 4. I want to eat within a TRE window; 12-6pm has worked thus far. 5. I want to find emotional/mental satiation in 2 small meals or one larger meal: change concepts of 6. small quantity = deprivation, fear of not getting to eat everything I want, resentment that I can't eat more frequently and larger quantities, and feelings of restriction, to acceptance of new WOL, that I can eat again the following day, that I can eat what I want (keto) and enjoy the food in smaller quantities, that I can eat the other foods (when I get full) at my next meal, feelings of abundance... 7. Stop eating when full! 8. Fat fast between healing EFs. 9. Transition to strict keto 10. Moderate "sweet" fat bombs. This morning I was visualizing some of this behavior: eating smaller quantities (only because my stomach shrinks from EFs, not for restriction) and being satisfied because I could eat more later, being mindful and aware while eating, experiencing mental/emotional satiation with smaller amounts, enjoying my food fully, eating what I want (meaning Keto--I really like Keto and LCHF because I have deprived myself my entire life!), investing in the foods I enjoy, and making sure I have food I enjoy.
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Serendipity! It's interesting how something shows up at the right time in life, when I am ready. The Universe aligns, and what I need appears. Even when I'm in the Darkest Despair, it eventually works out. Of course, when I've fallen into the Pit of Depression, I cannot see any light, I cannot see the way out, and I certainly cannot see that it's all going to work out eventually. All I see is darkness. Oh, how I wish I had this book a few years ago. Could I have practiced self-compassion then? Who knows. Maybe not. I was trying though, and doing the best I can. I am really grateful someone suggested this book to me yesterday! Between fasting, reduced stress, and re-learning self-compassion, I have the sense that I am going to be able to re-create my Self, my Life, and the Contentment I've been seeking and working to find again these 5 years of Hell. I am 4.5 days into my 14-day fast! I feel good, and awoke a bit before 6am. For the most part I slept well, although I did wake up a few times during the night. I do not feel deyhdrated this morning, which is a relief. I attribute this to the increased teaspoon of salt I ingested yesterday, upping my intake from 2 tsp. to 3. Days 4 and 5 have been the toughest during my previous fasts of 5 and 7 days. My body is crying out for some movement as I feel stiff and my rib pain has returned. I am going to take it easy, though, and wait until day 6 before I try yoga. Maybe I'll take a walk later. In total, I've lost 5.5 lbs. I'm averaging about 1.25 lbs. lost per day, fluctuation between 1 to 2 lbs. down for the last 5 days of weigh-ins. The good news is that my BMI has decreased by a full point, and both body fat % and Body fat weight are decreasing as well. My new, fancy scale gives me at least 10 different metrics! At this rate, I expect to lose about 8.5 lbs. over the first 7 days, and another 8-9 during the second week. By the end of 14 days, I hope to lose 17-18 lbs. If I'm still feeling good on Day 10, I will extend my fast to 21 days, and so lose a total of 20+ lbs. At that point, I will feel "normal" again and should see and experience some remarkable transformation in both my body and mind. Even 14 days will make a huge difference! I'm excited and I'm feeling positive and hopeful!
Grumpy AF Rant! This morning, I feel tired and headachy. If forgot to take my last “dose” of salt last night. I also had to get up to pee twice during the night, but thought I slept well and plenty outside the bladder wake-up calls. In retrospect, I went to bed perturbed, angry, and confused upon learning that the fasting aides I use may stop autophagy. I already knew calories, food intake, HWC, and broth prevent/stop it, but didn’t know ACV, tea, and what I use in my Ginger-Lemon “tea” (a squeeze of lemon, slices of ginger and turmeric, dashes of cinnamon and cayenne, in boiling water), may be preventing autophagy, too This sucks! That means unless I drink only water (and salt?) I will not experience any autophagy??!! I’m still waiting on more info and hoping I misapprehended what was said. I’m going to do some research today, but just wanted to get this “off my chest” because I realize I’m still feeling anger about it. I recognize that there is something deeper here (feelings of deprivation). I can fast with teas and my ginger tea and be okay and not feel deprived or that I’m suffering or that fasting sucks. Maybe even only go down to salt and water after a few days of training aides, and maybe after 5 days only use water, but right now the thought of that sucks. I am not going to stop my fast, I am still determined to do 14 days, but I wanted some major physical healing as part of this journey (autophagy damnit!). Fasting is already a challenge, but it seems it will be even harder with only water and salt. Right now I am just bitching and venting; I know part of this upwelling is a result of emotional clearing that comes from fasting so YW and WTF!! If I’m not going to experience any autophagy I might as well continue drinking my morning coffee with HWC because that’s one thing I really enjoy and it’s hard to give up. Can you see me throwing a really big tantrum right now? That’s what it feels like LOL. I am stamping my feet on the floor! :-)) I’ll be better later, but I guess I’ll be researching autophage all day now-- UGH. Obviously there are some issues within regarding deprivation, restriction, rebellion, awareness, and acceptance that are surfacing. All the while head is screaming: Why can’t you just be NORMAL like everyone else? Well, that’s where my head has been since 6am. Geez. Thanks for listening to my needed vent, been holding that in since after last night’s group!!! Oh, and I was double pissed because during our EF, at least 25% of the time was spent talking about food and recipes! It felt like more of a cooking and eating group than a focus on Extended Fasting aargh. I know it was beneficial to many, and in the future I'll just get off the call (which I did toward the end as the food talk just kept going and going!) With all the bitching, I forgot my morning success! I'm on Day 3.5 and have lost 5 lbs.!! Halfway through my 7-day fast, which means 25% through 14 days! My fancy scale offers multiple metrics, so my body fat, BMI, and more have decreased as well!Follow up to Grumpy AF post: awareness and acceptance and more learning.
NOT GRUMPY ANYMORE – GRATEFUL!!! Perhaps after I get over my resistance, I will knuckle down to just water and salt on fasting days. I believe it’s 36 hrs. to reach autophagy. I know that overall, I am receiving healing for body, mind, heart, and soul. I forget that it will not all come at once, the healing will come in stages, during the process, and that this a personal experiment to see what works on all aspects involved. I didn’t do this to my body overnight, so I can’t expect to undo it overnight-–or even in one month! I am glad to remember that! Initially, I expect to see physical results most immediately. As I continue to fast, I will heal emotionally and mentally, as I replace negative habits and thought patterns; undo my dysfunctional relationships to food, eating, and my body; and learn to build fasting into a lifelong behavior pattern. The emotional and mental healing will take months or years. This is a transition stage as I add fasting to my daily, weekly, monthly, and annual life schedule/season/pattern. I don’t have to experience autophagy right this instant (now, damnit, now!). I can see now that I’ve purged those feelings, that I got hooked by a thought. I’m grateful to you and the group for helping me catch it, look at it, and separate from it! This fasting journey is going to give me more than I expected! I’ve been actively working on awareness and acceptance in life (trying so hard for years but not able to get it yet!!) and only now do I feel that I am near to manifesting (some of the time!) those while I am fasting! Holy cannoli! It seems right now I just need to focus on what works for me and stick to it. If hot lemon-ginger water and ACV and the other tools work and help me EF to 14 days, so be it. During my time fasting, many mental and emotional awakenings and changes occur, which is my intent for fasting. Even this, today, is an awakening and a greater awareness (GRATITUDE!!!). As I build my "fasting muscles" with these longer EFs and achieve my physical goals, I will be able to continue and create space for fasting in my life, as a lifestyle. Part of the process will be to change how I fast–-it’s definitely not black-and-white-- over time: long EFs work now, and I will eventually want to see how 3x42s or other options work as I get closer to goal weight. In the long term, I envision TRE or OMAD with LCHF/Keto eating and seasonal EFs of at least 7 days. Again, that could change. Perhaps my all-or-nothing attitude will change with fasting as well (behavior change! behavior change! I want thought and behavior change!), and I won’t use fasting as my new obsession/addiction. The irony that I would lose too much weight and continue to EF to the detriment of my health... probably NOT going to happen though! Again, I am so grateful for the TFM non-judgmental community who supports, listens, empathizes, and offers helpful feedback to my sometimes “crazy” posts. I’m not apologizing, because this is my personal journey and sometimes I feel “crazy” because of all the emotions/feelings that come up during this process. I don’t know what I’d do without the support... probably not be fasting, and still be fat and miserable!!! So thankees to you all!! Can you tell I untangle all the knots in my thinking by writing??!! This was posted in our group forum yesterday: I saw myself in the mirror and stared back at this fit body ... I wanted to respond to this because **SNAP** this convo topic is a trigger, but I needed to leave it alone last night. I came back to it a few times, but decided it was too much to look at before bedtime! Part of me has always been the center of attention, and craved that. But part of me has been insecure and shy, though no one would ever know it because I come off as strong, confident and secure (until the last few years with weight gain). I've always attracted a lot of male attention too, and I feel very, very ambivalent about it... part of me loves it, and then it shuts down the introvert side of me. For my first 45 years I was very extroverted, a fiery, dominant, leader-type; the introvert side was pushed down and away. But now my introvert side has surfaced and overtakes my personality. Some of this is age, some of it is trauma and resulting weight gain and stress from both. Part of the psychology of my weight gain (history and patterns) is to avoid social situations and intimacy (physical and emotional). When I "feel" fat (gain weight, dislike my body, low self-esteem, etc.) I will avoid social situations and especially dating. This can be from a 10-lb gain (battled on and off) or the more-recent 20-30 lbs of the last 5 years. I really relate my worth and confidence and value from how I look, thanks to a Critical Mother, enforced by Culture and Society, and having heard it for 40 years, over and over again, these destructive tapes play in my own head now, with my own voice. To speak frankly, I don't have any hang-ups about sex and sexuality (re: sexiness), but there is a cognitive dissonance and thought-contradiction deep within: I want the attention and yet it makes me very uncomfortable at the same time. My value based on looks has been re-affirmed throughout my life, so that now, at age 51 and 35 lbs. overweight, I feel like a troll and transfer that to everyone else and assume they look at me and judge me as I judge myself. This is TMI, but yw. It's a tough issue to feel comfortable in a body that everyone sexualizes. One of the reasons I gain weight (I've learned) is part of me is rebelling against that commodification and objectification. Damn you people of society, see me for the intelligent, creative, amazing person I am, not for how I look or how much I weigh or my age! I don't know if that touches on your discomfort. I feel that "unraveling" too. Can't someone look at me RIGHT NOW and say, "Damn, you're hot!" or "You look great" while I'm 35 lbs. fatter. But hell no, there are no compliments unless you are thin and pretty and it makes me SOOOOO ANGRYYYYYYY! :rage: :rage: :rage: I have lots of F words in my head right now!! I know I've been hired because of my looks and I admit to using it to my advantage. I regret that I have continued to value my BEING and my Body on weight and looks, because I am so diminished from that lifelong pattern (started in my teens when my Mother taught me my value came from my long blonde hair, being thin, being pretty and receiving more love when I looked a certain way and behaved a certain way). This is one of the patterns I am trying to end with fasting. And yeah, I've been in therapy on and off for years for body-image, self-esteem, mother issues, eating disorders, etc. I want to befriend my body again, and appreciate it as it is, and be grateful that it has survived all the abuse I've put it through and all the toxic environments it has been in and all the injuries and illness it has come through. I want to value my Self without the condition that I look a certain way. I know all of this is contigent upon being healthy and self-thoughts. I know this is contigent upon exercizing regularly because that makes me feel good emotionally and physically, and empowers me and my body. When I am healthy and active, I naturally feel good and enjoy my body, and my weight is normalized. I can't dissociate from my body, but at the same time I want my esteem and confidence to separate from my physical looks and emanate outward from my soul, my Inner Self, the untouchable light that is Me and perfect just as I am. That's woowoo, but yw! And when I am in alignment with health and healthy thinking and emotional well-being, then when people say "Oh you look good," or "Oh you are so hot," I can understand that's their perspective and Not Take It Personally (from The Four Agreements, written by don Miguel Ruiz), because whether someone compliments me or insults me, that's all about THEM and where they are in their life--their opinions aren't about me... and when someone compliments me, I can remember for myself and maybe even remind them that I am this amazing, intelligent, creative, successful woman and much, much more than my looks, body, weight, or age. Then, I will already be feeling comfy in my body and I can say "Thanks" without taking it to heart, putting much emphasis on it, or having it feed the false ego/false self-esteem. This is the emotional aspect of fasting for me. So yeah, this is a heavy topic and thanks for sharing and being vulnerable and ooops, I totally hijacked your post, but I could finally be present this morning with the feelings it brought up for me, as well as with the accompanying memories it brought up, too. Yes, good topic for our focus group! My response:I had a mental breakthrough last night. I was finally able to set my sankalpa (will-to-power) by saying to myself: “I WILL fast for 14 days!”. In the past, my self-talk has been, “I can make it 7 days,” or “I will fast 7 days,” rather than: “I WILL FAST 14 days!”. I kept giving myself an out. Not this time! For this, my third EF, I originally intended to complete 14-days, with the caveat of making it to at least 10 days, since my last fast was 7 days. I finished 5 days at the beginning of April, then 7 days later in the month, so I know I can complete another 7-day fast. However, I realized that giving myself an out was crippling my intention and determination. Instead of aiming for 14, with an out of 7, but a hope for 10, I will set my mind to the full 14! Even as of yesterday, I had calculated a 10-day fast as being 240 hours. Well, 14 days equals 336 hours. I’ve also lost 3 pounds so far, which is inspiring. I want to lose one pound per day as an encouragement to continue through the first week. Once I crest the first difficult summit of hunger, I will have to face the steeper incline of fatigue—if my last fast is any indication. I’ve got a lot of emotional aspects to face this go-round, but I am counting on a stronger “fasting muscle” to carry me through the harder points, as my “fasting muscle” should be a lot stronger after 2 EFs and the inner work I have done mentally, physically, and emotionally during the last two months of this trial-and-try-again fasting experiment. Gods, it’s been 2 months since I started this fasting journey! It was mid-March when the ashram closed and I traveled to Mississippi and my friend lent me “The Transformational Power of Fasting”. How my Life has transformed since then! Being the Geek that I am, I enjoy graphs and spreadsheets and figurin’, so estimating my weight loss motivates me to continue this journey. Of course, there is so much more to my fasting journey than weight loss, and all of that is coming in a future ramble. My 14-day fast began after I finished a glass of wine at 9pm Sunday, May 17. Seven full days will be the end of Monday. On Wednesday, May 27, I will complete 10 days. When I awaken June 1st, I will have completed 14 days! I can do it! I will do it! By next Monday, May 25, I should be down by 7 lbs., then on June 1, another 7. In consideration of water re-gain when I eat again, at the end of that period, I should have lost a total of 10 lbs. Around Day 10, I will look at how I feel physically and determine if I can go beyond 14 days to complete the full 21-day fast! If at Day 14, I feel good, my energy and clarity are high, and I’m feeling mentally and emotionally strong enough to continue, I will simply tack on another 7 days. At that point, June 7, I will have completed 21 days of fasting and will have lost around 15 or so pounds of fat (20 or so total pounds, minus water). I will end the fast on Day 22. I am excited to see what transpires in my heart and mind and soul during this time period. I believe I will make much progress in my relationship to food, eating, and my body. Not only that, but I will have gained greater awareness and presence, and hope to have increased my emotional resilience so I can begin sitting with my emotions, accepting them, and then allowing them to flow away. I want to re-learn my strength-- re-gain my strength— to face my fears, allow the fear, accept what is happening, not believe my thoughts, and move through the emotional pain toward action or acceptance. The strength I speak of is emotional resilience. I want to be kind to myself again, and honor and respect and love my body. I want freedom from the downward spiral of negative thoughts and beliefs that drag me into the blackness of depression and disempowerment. I’ve had a healthy, active life with happiness and positive emotions, and I have to undo the trauma and damage of the last few years to create a new life again. I can’t return to old ways, even if I was healthier, thinner, and happier. I acknowledge the unreal expectations of turning back the clock. But I can create newness. I can be thin, athletic, happy, and at peace with myself again. I can have energy and health and love. I can have and be that Self that I have envisioned all my life until these crippling last 5 years: a healthy, successful old lady, running when I’m 90 and dying in my sleep, rather than what I have become recently. I can and I will undo the damage and trauma. I can and will create health, abundance, love, emotional intelligence, contentment, vigor... and my Wheel of Contentment, which includes: security, health, hygge, creativity, connection, and passe’ temps. For now... I WILL FAST 14 DAYS!!*Will to power: "the drive of the superman in the philosophy of Nietzsche to perfect and transcend the self through the possession and exercise of creative power." - Merriam-Webster Dictionary
I am feeling okay/good this morning. I went to bed early, slept well all night, and woke up a little after the sun rose. My energy level is normal and I don't feel dehydrated. Although there is the now-expected ugly coating of Ama on my tongue, I am used to that. Ketone sticks didn't show ketosis, but it usually takes my body a few days to transition. My body is the opposite of fat-adapted LOL; that is, it holds on to weight and fat like money to a greedy American CEO. The scales claims I am a couple of pounds down, which heartens me, even though it's only water weight. From one of Megan's articles or videos https://thefastingmethod.com/ I gained an understanding about realistic expectations for FAT loss during fasting. Women lose about .25 lbs. during a 36-hour fast, which increases with time.
Week 1: .25 lbs. per 36-hr. fasting day Week 4-6: 1 lb. loss per 36-hr. fasting day Week 6 and beyond: .5 lb. loss per 36-hr. fasting day 7 days of fasting (168 hrs.)/36 hrs. = 4.7 fasting days = 1.2 lbs. fat loss as an average. At other times I've heard that about half of the weight lost during an extended fast is water. Many people with a lot of weight to lose will lose 1 lb. per day. That is not very encouraging to me, since I don't have much to lose and find it difficult to lose weight unless I water fast for longer periods. Yet, watching numerous YouTube videos by people who only need to lose about 40 or 50 lbs., they show pictorial evidence of losing about 1 lb. each day, and gain about 5 or so back when they refeed. These examples are from those who complete 21-day water fasts. Their decrease in body size is pretty remarkable, and that's what I want! I've seen that very obese people will lose 20-30 lbs during this time. I don't know why I'm fixating on this; I suppose it's in the hope that I will see the numbers on my scale drop significantly this time. I am determined to make it 10 days, and if I'm feeling good by day 7, then I plan on 14. If I'm still feeling good on Day 10, then I'll head toward 21 days. I've found I need to plan it a few days in advance: when I've felt crummy and plan to break the fast, I go ahead and do that, even though I begin to see improvement within the next two days. I'm confident in my ability to handle the hunger growls now, and I know to take 1-2 tsp. of Himalayan salt each day to keep fatigue at bay. The challenge during this fast will be the emotional aspects. I really want to face the banshee that haunts --and has for years-- my relationship to food. I also need to do some Adulting and decide what to do over the next few months in relation to work and where to relocate and such, and then self-propel with action steps and move forward: move back into life, whatever that may be after this Coronanity ends (or becomes a New Way of Life). I've started a list of areas that cause me stress (stressed because I have not wanted to look at these issues, make decisions related to them, nor act), so now it's time to ponder, decide, act. This will eliminate a lot of stress that is subsumed by daily life or which I simply ignore, but that slowly eats at me, and then I eat to dull the fear. My Big Reason for longer fasting is to remove all that blocks me from facing these issues: life issues and relationship to food/eating. During an EF, my body not only cleanses itself, but my mind becomes clear and many emotional toxins are released. All the thoughts that get in my way surface, and I can no longer ignore and procrastinate. I intend to face all of this head-on this time. With food out of the way, it will be both harder and easier. I'm going to begin re-reading The Transformational Power of Fasting, by Stephen Harrod Buhner. There I can find tools to help me move deeply into the fears I want to face, the habits I want to change, and gain tools and strength to do both! Water with a squeeze of lemon, some ACV, and dried turmeric slices. I'll refill this during the day on hotter days, and add more ACV. Normally, I only use 1-2 slices of lemon per day. On chilly days, I'll drink hot water all day, and add, alternatively, cinnamon, ginager, turmeric, lemon, and ACV. Regarding salt: after my second EF of 7 days, and feeling like sh** for 3 days, I learned that I should be using a LOT more salt! I use Himalayan Pink salt. I don't like the taste of salt in my water, nor am I in the habit of using prodigious amounts on my food-- as a chef, I believe in using flavourful spices and a touch of salt to bring out flavours, rather than salt overwhelming everything-- so I rarely salt my food beyond what's called for in the preparation of a dish. To get the 1-2 tsps. required each day during an extended water fast, I just gulp down half-teaspoonfuls throughout the day, and chase them with a few swallows of water, then I am back to tea. I keep a cup of liquid in my hand and drink it throughout the day, so I know I am getting plenty of fluids. During both my EFs of 5 days and then 7 days, I was also terribly fatigued. This is where salt comes into play. I learned that sodium is what keeps fatigue away. On day 3 and 4 of my last fast, I basically stayed in bed. Finally got advice on salt, and added a teaspoon into my regimen on Day 5, and noticed marked improvement on Day 6. It was a peculiar feeling to notice the differential in energy that slowly increased throughout the day; I actually started feeling quite energetic! Unfortunately, I still ended my fast on Day 7, because on Day 5, felt so crappy I just wanted to survive through Day 7 to have a week-long fast notched into my belt. I actually could have continued to fast beyond Day 7, because the hunger was manageable both psychologically and physically after Day 3 that time around, and I solved the low-energy problem. I discovered my Go-To Electrolyte mix when I was attending 2-3 Bikram Yoga classes each week and getting horrible dehydration headaches! It's not overpriced like so many of the faddish electrolyte replacement mixes are now ($40 for electrolyte salts, are you FKM!!). $10 for a box of 20 and I'll only use 1 per day, if even that. Only on days I'm feeling really run down. Yes, one pack has 10 kcals from maltodextrin, but during a week-long fast, I have only used 2-3 packs, at most! I start of my day with some hot lemon water in the morning (good for digestion according to TCM and Ayurveda), and then switch over to tea. I'll have one or two cups of black tea each day, at most. During my studies of Ayurvedic Medicine and TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), I've learned about the healing powers of many herbs and spices, so I add spices and herbs to boiling water to make "tea": cinnamon, cardamom, cayenne, lemon juice, nettles, ginger, turmeric, fennel. During an EF water fast, I can't drink bone broth or coffee or HWC (Heavy Whipping Cream) in coffee or excessive amounts of tea due to the fact that the calories and caffeine spike my insulin and create hunger, which I have found unbearable during my longer fasts (and the calories inhibit autophagy anyway). During my first fast, which lasted 5 days, I had just started reading Dr. Fung's books and discovered thefastingmethod.com, and thought using bone broth and coffee would help me. Unfortunately, I discovered the opposite: they do not work for me, though they are great tools for many others! The calories and caffeine (caffeine spikes cortisol, which then spikes insulin, which then spikes ghrelin, the gremlin that increases appetite) made me famished and irritable from the constant and painful rumblings in my tummy! Plus, I found myself using HWC in my coffee and drinking coffee all day long, which was just a substitute for eating, so I really wasn't fasting after all, just drinking 500 kcals of HWC each day!! The hunger was so uncomfortable, I ended my fast after Day 5.
This time around, on my third EF, I expect everything to be easier...at least physically! I know I can survive the initial hunger pains that are most strongly felt Day 1-3, and I'll take enough salt to prevent fatigue. All I have to do is face the emotional insanity that surfaces, and this time, I have a plan to address those issues! My goal is to complete at least 10 days, but I think I might finally be able to make it to the elusive 21-day mark, if not 14! And at any rate, I plan to address the emotional challenges I've faced the last few weeks during and after my last 7-day fast, related to fasting and eating, so that the times I spend rebuilding (eating) between periods of healing (fasting), will also be easier! I can do it! What was a “tough” week, turned into two! I have experienced a lot of feelings during and since my last EF of 7 days, which ended April 27. My intention was to rebuild for 4 days, with a gentle refeed followed by TRE 12-6pm with OMAD or 2MAD, keto/LCHF. However, I could not control my fixation on eating and food during those four days, and went into my next fast--which was another planned EF of 7 days-- unprepared mentally or emotionally to stop eating. I lasted 44 hours (still a big win!) and decided to eat a few more days. I realized I was experiencing intense feelings that accompany thoughts of lack, deprivation, and restriction associated with eating and food. I didn’t know how to deal with these and no one really broached these topics in the focus groups*, and so I felt rather alone in my suffering and wasn’t sure how to reach out.
Sidebar: Several people have since brought up the struggles they are experiencing with feelings that come up during a fast—which is natural and part of the process—though others want to shut that type of talk right down and keep the groups mainlining on behavior and solutions without delving deeper into emotional motivations or needs. Luckily, a small group has fought toward the surface, broken the ice, and asked for more support in this area. TFM, being the responsive, empathetic creation it is, has responded! Well, it took me two weeks of avoidance, eating—LOL avoidance eating!!!-- and getting completely off-track by gradually eating outside of my TRE, reducing my fasting hours more and more until I was only fasting while asleep and a few hours into the day, drinking some wine, and finally, getting back into the dreaded sugar... blah blah blah self-derision with bouts of self-compassion... and I finally realized what was going on and how to stop it! I didn’t reach out for help in the forums* because I needed empathy—I needed to feel heard and listened to!--not fixed or invalidated, and that’s what I thought would happen to a certain degree which yes, I know that is incorrect on many levels and a gross generalization, so I just kept to myself until I figured out what the hell was going on inside me and what to do about it. The focus group on Saturday helped me so much when a few other people started discussing their desperation during their upwelling of feelings, which made me realize: I am not alone! Thank goodness! In the meantime, I gained weight and felt physically miserable because my body now gives me what feels like an allergic reaction when I eat sugar, overeat, or drink more than one small glass of wine! On the upside, my mind figured out what I should face during dream-time and several fights with insomnia. Frequently, I will dream, or awaken from a deep, dream-filled sleep, and my mind solves problems of its own accord, without the emotional side of my Self, which is still somnolent in that witching hour of pre-dawn. I awoke at the end of the weekend, with an action plan and a return of determination; determination to stick to my EF Plan of 10 days starting Sunday night. My fears relate directly to employment, income, and what will happen to Lil’ Ol’ Me in this turn of world events that have upended my plans during my visit to the US. I am at a loss of how to proceed, what to do for work, and at the end of my savings. These are the fears that cause me to eat to quell those same fears—which started 6 months ago while on sabbatical in Australia. Now, acknowledging the causation, I will work on SITTING IN THE FEAR this week, while fasting. I will ALLOW the fear and worry to wash over me; I will ACCEPT the feelings and terrors; I will RECOGNIZE the overwhelming desire to EAT AWAY and NUMB those horrifically uncomfortable feelings; I will STOP AVOIDING the pain and rather, FACE IT; and then, I will enumerate the fears on paper and what I can do to solve the problems. This is Action Step # 1! The second mountainous problem to climb, summit, and plant a colossal FUCK YOU Flag on top sorrynotsorry but pardone moi includes the feelings that surface during fasting, related to food and eating. Actually, these come up toward the end of my EFs and when rebuilding and relate to the aforementioned thoughts of lack, deprivation, restriction, and what I think I deserve/do not deserve. This is the Second Action Step I will take during my 10-day EF: I will approach these ill-created concepts and look them in the eye and try to figure out why they are destroying me as they knock me off my path and lead me on the dead-end trail of overeating and sugar-cravings. I may have to allow myself close to the edge, and just jump into the canyon to figure the WHYS. But I will secure my line to the harness, and hand-over-hand, pull myself out of the abyss and figure out how to look at food and eating differently! I want to absorb the fact that I can enjoy eating and that I CAN eat more—but LATER—and that I do NOT HAVE TO EAT IT ALL, because there will always be more, LATER! language warning It will be a lot of work, but I am lucky, because I have the physical space, solitude, and support to work through this process right now (Thank you Coronanity, but fuck you all the same). I have no other time commitments holding me back, so I am grateful because I can truly focus on healing myself NOW! And with all fervor, I proclaim that for me, fasting is the answer! My salvation. Years of suffering from eating disorders, body hatred, and an extremely dysfunctional relationship to food and eating, and I believe I have found my messiah, my solution! The core issues have caused my weight gain and dysfunctional thinking, along with sugar addiction, and negative thought loops. But by addressing the emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects with fasting, and then allowing all the emotional, physical, and spiritual toxins to be released through fasting, I believe I will finally be able to rid myself of these chains (clamped on and tightened by toxic parenting, cultural messages, and self-reinforcement)... and I have been enslaved since I was about 15, so 36 fucking years is ENOUGH!!! With fasting, I will finally be able to FEEL the pain instead of NUMBING it, FACE my fears instead of AVOIDING them, HEAL my body instead of DESTROYING it, and RECREATE my relationship with my SELF! Amen, hallelujah and FUCK YEAH! Don’t mean to offend, but sometimes the emphasis of an expletive is necessary! Get over it! :-)) *Member Forums in https://thefastingmethod.com Monday, May 11 Starting another 7-day Water Fast and hoping to extend to 10 days! I'll have a one-day interruption with a family visit, but then right back on for a full 7 days. Perhaps, then, it is more accurate to state I'll start a 2-3 day WF, followed b y 7-10 WF! Starting the day off with hot lemon water, then weak black tea spiced with cinnamon, cardamom, and a few slices of fresh ginger. My friend grows stevia, so I crushed a small, dried leaf for a hint of flavour. Throughout the day, I'll drink herb tea (turmeric, nettle, ginger), black tea, and water "spiked" with a few drops of ACV and salt. I'll start taking a larger dose of salt tomorrow and the days following, 1/2 tsp. in the morning, and anoterh 1/2 tsp. in the afternoon. Depending on my energy, I might increase that to 1.5-2 tsp. after Day 4 or 5. I'll just drink a gulp of water and throw down a teaspoonful all at once; I don't like the salt flavour in my water or tea. I don't use salt regularly beyond cooking, so the added salt is strange to me. I rarely salt my food because I cook with plentiful spices. My intention is to get my yoga pracitice going again this week, as well as start walking again, so I can build up to running again. Normally, I'll start the morning with pranayama and meditation, but I've slacked off the past month. I've scheduled two state certification tests for month's end, so if I can quit reading GOT, I'll get some studying done, but it's a rather good storyline and I love reading. Studying English and Lit will be enjoyable, but Biology not so much. I am adding two additional licensing certifications to my current teaching license to make myself a bit more marketable overseas. |
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