I had a mental breakthrough last night. I was finally able to set my sankalpa (will-to-power) by saying to myself: “I WILL fast for 14 days!”. In the past, my self-talk has been, “I can make it 7 days,” or “I will fast 7 days,” rather than: “I WILL FAST 14 days!”. I kept giving myself an out. Not this time! For this, my third EF, I originally intended to complete 14-days, with the caveat of making it to at least 10 days, since my last fast was 7 days. I finished 5 days at the beginning of April, then 7 days later in the month, so I know I can complete another 7-day fast. However, I realized that giving myself an out was crippling my intention and determination. Instead of aiming for 14, with an out of 7, but a hope for 10, I will set my mind to the full 14! Even as of yesterday, I had calculated a 10-day fast as being 240 hours. Well, 14 days equals 336 hours. I’ve also lost 3 pounds so far, which is inspiring. I want to lose one pound per day as an encouragement to continue through the first week. Once I crest the first difficult summit of hunger, I will have to face the steeper incline of fatigue—if my last fast is any indication. I’ve got a lot of emotional aspects to face this go-round, but I am counting on a stronger “fasting muscle” to carry me through the harder points, as my “fasting muscle” should be a lot stronger after 2 EFs and the inner work I have done mentally, physically, and emotionally during the last two months of this trial-and-try-again fasting experiment. Gods, it’s been 2 months since I started this fasting journey! It was mid-March when the ashram closed and I traveled to Mississippi and my friend lent me “The Transformational Power of Fasting”. How my Life has transformed since then! Being the Geek that I am, I enjoy graphs and spreadsheets and figurin’, so estimating my weight loss motivates me to continue this journey. Of course, there is so much more to my fasting journey than weight loss, and all of that is coming in a future ramble. My 14-day fast began after I finished a glass of wine at 9pm Sunday, May 17. Seven full days will be the end of Monday. On Wednesday, May 27, I will complete 10 days. When I awaken June 1st, I will have completed 14 days! I can do it! I will do it! By next Monday, May 25, I should be down by 7 lbs., then on June 1, another 7. In consideration of water re-gain when I eat again, at the end of that period, I should have lost a total of 10 lbs. Around Day 10, I will look at how I feel physically and determine if I can go beyond 14 days to complete the full 21-day fast! If at Day 14, I feel good, my energy and clarity are high, and I’m feeling mentally and emotionally strong enough to continue, I will simply tack on another 7 days. At that point, June 7, I will have completed 21 days of fasting and will have lost around 15 or so pounds of fat (20 or so total pounds, minus water). I will end the fast on Day 22. I am excited to see what transpires in my heart and mind and soul during this time period. I believe I will make much progress in my relationship to food, eating, and my body. Not only that, but I will have gained greater awareness and presence, and hope to have increased my emotional resilience so I can begin sitting with my emotions, accepting them, and then allowing them to flow away. I want to re-learn my strength-- re-gain my strength— to face my fears, allow the fear, accept what is happening, not believe my thoughts, and move through the emotional pain toward action or acceptance. The strength I speak of is emotional resilience. I want to be kind to myself again, and honor and respect and love my body. I want freedom from the downward spiral of negative thoughts and beliefs that drag me into the blackness of depression and disempowerment. I’ve had a healthy, active life with happiness and positive emotions, and I have to undo the trauma and damage of the last few years to create a new life again. I can’t return to old ways, even if I was healthier, thinner, and happier. I acknowledge the unreal expectations of turning back the clock. But I can create newness. I can be thin, athletic, happy, and at peace with myself again. I can have energy and health and love. I can have and be that Self that I have envisioned all my life until these crippling last 5 years: a healthy, successful old lady, running when I’m 90 and dying in my sleep, rather than what I have become recently. I can and I will undo the damage and trauma. I can and will create health, abundance, love, emotional intelligence, contentment, vigor... and my Wheel of Contentment, which includes: security, health, hygge, creativity, connection, and passe’ temps. For now... I WILL FAST 14 DAYS!!*Will to power: "the drive of the superman in the philosophy of Nietzsche to perfect and transcend the self through the possession and exercise of creative power." - Merriam-Webster Dictionary
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