Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.
That's the message I keep hearing and reading over and over again. And it's telling me that this where I need to get it together! I'm all over the place since I began this journey in March, like I have fasting ADD--squirrel! I want to stick to my 7-day EFs, but then I read about how 3x42s offer proven physical results. Then I remember my reasons for fasting are emotional healing as well as physical healing, and then I just can't make up my mind. This is most likely reflective of my my overall mental state as my life is in such huge flux right now with coronanity, and not know what/where/how even into the next month. The wind is blowing, my sails are up and full, but the rudder is dismantled. I want to be consistent--and not just in fasting... I can't seem to find it with my yoga meditation practice or in exercise, either. If I can do 42s I might as well go longer, because those first days are hard anyway. But then, I miss eating on longer fasts, and that's when I decide to break the fast at 7. Emotionally, 7+ days would be way more beneficial. 3 x42s would offer adequate weight change, but not the deep healing I seek (autophagy/physical/spiritual/emotional). Then there is the whole 5 day fast/2 day feast cycle which sounds appealing. Ultimately, I know what is right for me, but I should stop looking at it as all-or-nothing. I don't have to do a 7+ day every week or so. I could complete a 7-day WF, and then move to 3x42s for one week. Re-assess and see if I should continue the 42s or change. For me, it's easier to commit to one method, because all the options make me dizzy. I have difficulty with follow-thru and finishing-- in fasting and in life. Maybe that's what I need, a plan for the month, instead of for the week or a few days. The longer fasts have also changed my digestion and GI activity: I get fuller on much smaller meals, and it's easy to overeat when I'm hungry. Even a child-size meal of keto or LCHF is filling, and a few bites over, my stomach hurts all day and night, resulting in poor sleep. I definitely have to eat before 6pm or I feel ill when I go to bed (9-10pm). I'm noticing feelings of lack/doing without/deprivation when eating such small meals, though I am eating foods I enjoy and am sated. The amounts seem so small, and I forget that I can eat again later, that I am not deprived, and to stop when I am full. This is where the emotional healing needs make themselves known--in a loud yell as a matter of fact. My living situation makes it difficult: my friends cook daily (high carb, high fat), and though they are very supportive of my fasts, the smells can be overwhelming. I have to figure out how to be mentally and emotionally sated with smaller meals, eaten less frequently. With keto and lCHF, OMAD is definitely plenty, and for me, eaten around 12-1pm. This puts me at odds, too, with my friends, who eat very late dinners, and we trade off with cooking duties. I eat lunch, then cook later in the afternoon for them, but then we don't eat together, which feels a bit awkward to me, and then I miss the social aspect of shared meals. But with the physiological changes due to fasting, when I eat with them at 7-730, I feel really awful physically all night long :frowning: This week, after my last EF, I've had trouble sticking to any particular fast. I've tried to stay keto/LCHF but have had a few slips due to it being a weird off-week, hormonally and emotionally. I'm stopped up which never happens and my body does feels like it's digesting food very, very slowly, and the food seems stuck in my intestines, remaining uneliminated. The increase in meat and fat, with less veggies is taking a toll. I've been mainly vegetarian for years...
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There is always an internal battle going on inside my head the first 2 days of my longer water fasts. Should I fast 7 days? What's the benefit between that and what everyone else is doing ? Why can't I fast successfully like everyone else? Maybe I should fast for shorter periods more frequently? And so on... The hunger is much more manageable, to the point that I can brush it off when it comes grumbling, so that is a victory. But I miss eating!!! And no, not sugary foods or carbs--another victory--I'm not craving those at all. I miss the act of enjoying my food. Those meals I savor after fasting are the most miraculous experiences. The flavors, textures, and mouth-feel of chewing and swallowing. It's been so long since I was truly aware while eating. It's such a gift! I find that if I am not fully and 100% enjoying my food (or drink), I stop eating it and make something different. I don't want to waste one precious taste-bud act or chew! Each time I start a water fast, I start watching fasting videos (by docs and researchers or other fasters), and it almost seems that they lead me off track instead of helping me extend my fast! Really I'm looking for someone to blame or be angry with right now, because my mind is not in this fast. I wasn't quite ready to start it, but I did anyway, as others were starting and I wanted some support and accountability. I feel like I am alienating myself when I start a fast, which seems to be on weekends. The solution there, of course, is to fast during the week and not on weekends. This is when my friends have their friends visit, and then I sit in my room and watch movies or read, so I am not tempted. That kind of sucks; I realized yesterday. I also miss the camaderie I share with my friends during meal times and food prep. Then, if I'm not helping out with cooking, I also feel... like I'm not pitching in enough; not "doing my share". On top of all that, I'm kind of pissed that I don't get the same results as so many others do. People lose a pound a day water fasting, and I sure as heck do not! Even with shorter IF, I wasn't losing at a comparable speed as others. Granted, I am only trying to lose a fraction of what many others are trying to lose, but to me, it's a ton, and I want to lose quickly, too! But because I have less weight to lose and because I have totally F***** my metabolism and set-point weight due to the dieting/starving/over-exercising/gaining weight/losing weight cycle I've perpetuated since my teens, weight loss takes longer for me and I have to be very rigorous with carb intake. I am grateful that I don't have 50- or 100- or 200-lbs. to lose like so many Americans do, though! I need to remember that while my weight loss is not as fast as others' may be, my cardinal motivations for these EFs are to heal my relationship with food and my body, to heal (Period.), and to experience a spiritual transformation (but that's only coming for longer fasts of 7+ days, I believe). The overarching solution to all of this is to change my fasting days to weekdays and to reduce the length of my fasts, but keep carbs below 20g. per day. Update Monday, May 4, 2020
I'm feeling angry today, but I can only pinpoint a couple of external reasons: my Chromebook is on the fritz again, and I learned I am not eligible to sit for the Reading Cert Exam I had planned on taking, because I do not have my Master's in Literacy. Damnit! I can still take the Bio Exam to add to my teaching license, but I am not really excited about teaching Biology--I'd rather teach reading. I don't even know if I should take the Bio exam now, although the testing centers nearby have re-opened, so I can take it here instead of driving to Texas. For the Chromebook, I just need to buy a new one, but can't decide which one and whether to break down and get a crappy iPad again so I can access all my cloud docs and pix. I'm feeling angry about fasting today--this is the over-arching problem. I am angry at myself for eating too much yesterday and having a lack of self-control. I still want to do a longer EF, but don't feel like I have the mental will to do it right now. I'm disappointed and discouraged that I fasted so much last month and didn't lose much. Even my clothes are still a little snug! I'm pissed that everyone else (it seems) loses so much weight and mine barely budges. I have to fast or I won't lose weight--and it doesn't seem that the OMAD or EDF work--I literally have fast for 2 full days, 3 times each week, or do longer fasts of 7 days. But then, I have a hard time keeping my carbs under 20g to stick to keto, end up eating too much and undo my losses. Or so it seems. I'm having a pity party right now. I'm stressed about tests and work and not working and what I should do after the pandemic and when the fucking pandemic is going to end and I just want to throw it in and blow it off for a day and go drink a bourbon and eat lunch (low carb though LOL). I am determined to stay low carb and away from the sugar though, at least that much is sure. I've been at my friend's for 2 months, and maybe I am feeling restless or at least as though I need to be working instead of lying around reading. The solution is to get my ass to work online, continue my commitment to daily exercise (walks and yoga), and go help out my friend. Maybe I should start the fasting cycle over and try the OMAD/24 hour fasts again, get successful at those for a week (build my fasting muscle), then slowly start increasing the fasting hours. The videos in the fasting groups are encouraging, but always make me doubt myself and the longer EF I try to complete. Though part of me knows that I CAN do an EF of >7 days and that's what I need to achieve my emotional goals (change my relationship to food and my body) and spiritual goals (consisten meditation practice, greater awareness and presence). |
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