Update on the fast, my thoughts, my motivations, and a book that has been influential to my process.
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I'm really grateful for friends today. I talked on the phone for nearly 2 hours with my BFF from high school. We have been friends since I was 14! Sometimes we don't talk for a couple of years, but then one of us picks up the phone, and it is like no time has passed and we just talked yesterday. I love her.
The call, and our connection, made me grateful for my new friend here, and all of my friends. I am lucky to have so many friends that are true friends. I am lucky to always meet one person-- in each country I visit-- that becomes a lifelong friend. I am so grateful for my friends! I hope I am a good friend back! I love cooking! And it is so fun when it is relaxed and unhurried! I've got tunes playin' and I take my time with prep and sous work. I am so grateful to be in a place where I don't feel rushed or time-constrained; where I can take my time and enjoy the creative process-- or dance breaks! Singing and stirring, crooning and cutting! I made some a delish Hip-Hop Rap Eggplant Gratin today-- the bubbling cheese smelled exquisite! Then I switched over to 80s R&B for the Roasted Brussels side dish and Choco-Peanut Butter Cup dessert! Plus, they are all keto! I fasted from Tuesday dinner until lunch today, which is 42 hours! I'm grateful for fasting and learning about fasting. I'm grateful to my friend T. who shared a book on fasting with me and changed my life! In fact, I'm grateful to be here with her at her beautiful farm, where the space is safe and secluded, quite and peaceful. I'm grateful for friendship and caring people who share their bounty. What a lovely day! Gratitude sets the stage for a delicious meal!Gratitude all the way around today! Yesterday, I was a happy and grateful guest for family Easter Brunch at my friend's farm, here in a remote country town of South Mississippi! What a feast!! T. spent all day Friday and half of yesterday cooking and prepping and I got to help. We made an amazeballs Louisiana Gumbo with shrimp, crab, local sausage, turkey, chicken, a million veggies, and spicy peppers! Then there were 20 or so other appetizers and side dishes including boiled jumbo shrimp with corn and potatoes, apple-carrot-banana bread, white chocolate creme brulee bread pudding... and so much more! A few days ago, I decided to check in on my Florida Teaching license to find out about adding an additional certification to my K-6 certification, and what do you know-- surprise! All the testing fees are waived for a year! I am so excited! More serendipity and another reason why returning to the US was perhaps a good thing after all! Time at the ashram, new friends, spending time re-setting my nervous system on T.'s farm... and now this! I've decided to sit for two exams: Biology 6-12 and Reading K-12. These add-ons will enable me to teacher higher grade levels if I wish, and at least specialize "officially" in Reading. Since there was very little real teaching going on at the school in China, I lost a lot of skills and knowledge and need to review knowledge for reading since I used almost nothing of my reading specialist background-- what a bummer! I worked so hard to gain a great set of teaching skills, and it was entirely wasted for 1.5 years! Now, I have to gain it all back! I hope it's "like riding a bike"! At any rate, the certifications will make me more marketable and increase my skill-set for teaching abroad again. There will be more jobs available, and what I am really hoping is that I will be able to find an excellent virtual teaching role that is subject-based rather than ESL! Science is always needed, so that cert is going to be a huge advantage for me! Yay! I am grateful to be where I am, for new friends, additional opportunities, new information about fasting and keto nutrition, the healing I am experiencing due to place and friendship and yoga practice, and freedom from stress and anxiety! I am grateful! I am grateful!We are all different and have different methods of fasting that work for us as individLow cauals. But you can't refute science! I want to share resources that have helped me and convinced that fasting, keto, LCHF methods are scientifically sound and proven to heal and effect weight loss. As a scientist myself, this is important to me... empirical data and research-based facts! I hope you enjoy these books/videos/sites as much as I have.
Last night was the second night in a row that I slept through the night without interruption! I am so grateful! It's like a miracle! My hormones must be re-aligning! I can't even remember the last time I slept through the night without awakening multiple times. I think it must have been in Australia, prior to hot flash onset. That's another thing for which I am grateful: my hot flashes have completely ceased! If I only had to suffer those for 2 months, I am the luckiest woman in the world! I have heard women complain of their many years of suffering with hot flashes and insomnia due to menopause; my symptoms started late January and ended i few weeks back in mid-March! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I credited codeine for my first night of uninterrupted sleep, but I didn't need any yesterday for my ankle and still, I enjoyed a second full night of sleep. Oh, it is beauteous! If you have ever suffered insomnia, you now how precious a full 8 hours can be! I have to admit I am feeling sorry for myself today, which is why I am hoping this Gratitude and Intention Post will help. Stepping in a hole on Monday, right as we had begun work on the garden, really brought me down physically and emotionally. This always seems to happen when I am making strides toward health — be it physical, mental, or emotional health! I am pissed! On the upside, I researched physical therapy for ankle injuries so I have a list of exercises I can do to heal quickly and I will order an ankle brace so I can start walking again. But damnit, I suppose I need to do some writing about these injuries and try to figure out what is behind them, subconsciously or emotionally.
Anyhooha, today is a Fasting Day, so I intend to do my best at not eating until tomorrow, which will be a good 36-42 hours if I can keep it up. It’s not the hunger that gets to me; rather, it’s boredom and frustration and despair. These are the feelings that always get me! On the other hand, I am grateful that I can walk, that I found rehabilitation exercises, and that I am in a lovely setting with lovely people. I am also grateful to have discovered IF and that I have the will to do it! I am also grateful that I found a way to sit relatively comfortably so I could practice pranayama this morning: kapalabhati, bhastrika, and nadi shodanham. I’m a few days in to my second week of fasting, having begun a Water Fast on Friday, March 27. I broke the fast after Day 6 and then began IF after a day of re-feeding. I plan to water fast 3 days per week (MWF), at least 24 hours, and attempt 36 hours. The rest of the week, I’ll follow a low-carb, keto plan. I think my kcals. should total around 8000 for the week — no more 10,000 for sure — which will create a kcal deficit for weight loss. IF will continue to help with my relationship with food and eating. I’m trying to remember the mantra “I can eat again tomorrow. I can do it!”. 36 hours isn’t so bad: it is only one full day of fasting. At this point I’m still having coffee with cream in the morning on my fast days, but plan to switch that back to tea and eventually (possibly!), eliminate the cream. If I’m having an extremely difficult time during the day, I can always sip on some broth. After our Easter feast, I think my fasting buddy and I will start an EF (Extended Fast), but if not, I will attempt another 21-day water fast starting around the 23rd of April. Today I begin another week of IF, starting off with a 36-hr fast today, on Monday! I ate half of one of T.’s amazing homemade biscuits last night, with some butter, but could only finish half of it! I’ll fast all day today, and won’t eat until breakfast or lunch tomorrow, which will end up being 38-42 hours of fasting time. Tomorrow, I’ll eat low-carb, keto-style. Although I am still eating slowly, chewing each bite around 30 times, and doing my best to be fully present while eating, I want to lessen my food intake. This is not to diet, but more for physical comfort. I am not used to eating such high-fat, low-carb foods and I’m also eating too much at one meal (because I am so hungry after fasting 24+ hours!). Both the amount of food and the amount of fat I’m eating is over-filling, though very satiating and enjoyable! My digestive system isn’t used to all the fat, nor the meat I’ve been eating (Oh, I have a hard time admitting that, but it’s true!). I still have the damn sweet-cravings, too! Aargh! I want to eat more low-carb veggies for the simple reason that I like them, but it is surprising how fast the carbs add up when I’m targeting 20-25 gr. carbs each day! I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I feel good, and I am happy with the IF plan which I am following! Yay! All my recent posts on this page have been gratitude posts, even though not necessarily denoted as such. I’ve felt a surge of gratitude almost daily, whether expressed in written form here or not; all I have to do is sit outside on the porch a moment. Look and listen. I’ve been overflowing with gratitude toward my friend, for spending time here on her farm is the most healing time I’ve experienced in years. I’ve also been grateful for my personal fasting experience. Both have been so transformational. These last two weeks—three weeks on Wednesday—have been so calming and relaxing: for the first time in over five years, I finally feel free of stress and fear. My nervous system* is re-setting; it is no longer pummeling through Fight-or-Flight mode. This release began in the ashram, but culminated here, because of the setting. For instance, as I sit and write this, a pair of Bluebirds is building up their nest not 4 meters from where I sit on the porch! After so many years fighting the effects of PTSD and stress, I strongly note their absence. I was slowly regaining some of my emotional resilience when I moved to China, and my nervous system was settling down. But the stress of living in China combined with working at a horrible job was too much, and I lapsed back into anxiety and depression. I also experienced several traumatic events while I was living in China, which didn’t help: my Dad died the third week after my arrival, I fell and broke my arm, I had numerous severe respiratory infections because of the air pollution, work was bad enough that it had become traumatic, and I experienced a hiking emergency while hiking alone in the mountains of Kham, Tibet. All the progress I made to recover from PTSD, MDD, and GAD, unraveled during those 15 months in Chengdu! I thought a sabbatical from teaching, spent relaxing in and touring Australia, would help, but the isolation there was too much and I didn’t get the social connection I needed to help me recover emotionally. My emotional side definitely has shown itself capable of overwhelming my physical self most of the time. Therefore, I definitely did not bounce back and heal the way I had hoped. But here at the farm, what I feel now, here on the farm, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, is so healing and refreshing! I am experiencing the physical sensations of living without stress, or rather, an absence of all the physical sensations of living with stress, anxiety, and a hormonal system run-amok with stress hormones. I am sleeping better, eating better, feeling better, smiling more, laughing more, and feeling more empowered and positive about the future. As for fasting, I am so grateful to my friend for the book she lent me on fasting, by Stephen Harrod Buhner; it opened completely a new door that was previously only shining light through cracks! Finally, not a new diet, but a new pathway to heal my relationship with food and with my body! I am confident that this will be one of the great transformations in my life! There is so much to write about and express, but I’ve done that in other posts. I’ll just state that I am truly grateful to be in the midst of the process to change how I eat, increasing knowledge of physiological pathways of hormones related to hunger and health, and of improving my current and future health status! *By "nervous system", I am referring to neural pathways that change or are created as a response to stress and anxiety; physical manifestions of anxiety, depression, and PTSD (light and sound sensitivities, lethargy, insomnia, etc.); emotional manifestions (worry, stress, withdrawal, despair, isolation, compulsive eating/drinking, etc.); and mental manifestions in the form of thoughts that are uncontrollable (repetitive, fearful, negative, depressive, suicidal ideation, etc.).
By Wednesday, April 1st, I had decided to break my water fast; I was feeling terrible and the gripping hunger was non-stop. During the 6 days I fasted, I definitely learned some lessons that I will remember for my next fast--and yes! I plan to engage in another Water Fast within the month! But what is important is how I FELT the day I broke my fast: the plans around breaking the fast, the actions I took while eating, and how I felt after eating. The singular experience of eating was incredible! I was able to pull the knowledge I'd had for so long about the approach to eating mindfully, and do it! I ate with awareness of each bite, I chewed each bite at least 20 times, I noticed my thoughts about the food and how I felt while tasting and savouring each bite. I'll never take mayonnaise for granted again! Curiously, I was hungry throughout the day (except, of course, after eating). I ate three meals, each equally satisfying and glorious. I reveled in the taste of each item, consciously aware of my thoughts and feelings while eating. It was a relief to eat what I wanted without guilt, fear, or remorse. It is important to note that I will be following a low-carb, keto-style plan with a 20-25 g. carb daily limit. But I WANT to be off sugar. I WANT to be free of sugar cravings. This way, I can eat food I enjoy, without the negative effect on my weight, hormones, and glucose. It is freeing to enjoy mayonnaise, avocado, butter, and more, without feeling "bad" that I am eating "bad" food. All of those concepts are just ridiculous and I want to be free of them! In addition to eating no-sugar and low-carb, I will be Intermittent Fasting as well. I started with a 24-hour IF following my "refeeding" day; in essence, my last meal was dinner Thursday, so I did not eat again on Friday until dinnertime. I'll do the same today, as much as possible. It is essentially eating one meal per day, which the Fasting Community refers to as OMAD (One Meal A Day, and yes--there is a whole community out there that adheres to various fasting protocols for health, spiritual practice, emotional well-being, and weight loss). I will reassess how I feel tomorrow (Sunday), and consider extending my fast to 36 hours. This translates into eating 1-3 meals on Day 1, then fasting until breakfast on Day 3: not eating after dinner on Day 1, fasting all of Day 2, then breaking the fast the morning of Day 3 (breakfast! That is what breakfast means after all!). Another surprising aspect is the huge difference in my calorie intake on Thursday vs. Friday. On Thursday, I ate as I was hungry (no snacking, so I did not spike my insulin and cause more hunger), which ended up being three meals about 4 hours apart. Then I fasted 24 hours, so I did not eat again until around 530pm on Friday. My total calorie intake on Friday was HALF of my intake on Thursday! That fact is pretty amazing and shouldn't be surprising, though it was to me. In fact, the Friday amount equalled what I would normally eat on a lower calorie diet. It seemed like I ate SO MUCH on Friday, in that one meal--and I was quite full afterward--whereas on Thursday, I ate smaller meals more frequently. Another interesting aspect, which follows the science behind hunger mechanisms, is that I was more hungry on Thursday due to eating more frequently! I didn't really get hungry on Friday until about 3pm, and I was REALLY hungry by 5pm! I ate dinner, and wasn't hungry the rest of the night and haven't had much hunger at all this morning (Saturday), as I write this. Yet on Thursday, I was hungry several times during the day, always a few hours after I ate. Spikes of insulin and ghrelin caused by eating. I don't need to read the empirical citations, I lived them that day! Once again, at dinner last night, I ate with awareness and focused on chewing 20-30 or more times. This means no phone, no laptop, and catching wandering thoughts. It's a beautiful process and an incredible sensory experience to simply EAT and ONLY eat. I've tried many mindful eating exercises through the years (MBSR, chewing 32 times, etc.), so I have the tools; it's just the matter of putting them into practice on a daily basis--a consistent basis! I plan to continue to eat with awareness and truly enjoy my food. I haven't really enjoyed eating in such a long time, excluding the few special meals I've had dining out where I simply savored the indulgence and was really conscious of what was going in my mouth--like at the French Bistro in Melbourne, for one. I've truly enjoyed not eating in front of a screen; out on the porch with a view of the pine trees and the noise of singing birds, relishing each bite and chewing it to completion. The taste of food has brought back memories: mayonnaise reminds me of my Grandparent's lake house in Fort Worth, eggs fried in bacon fat reminds me to enjoy my food, cheese with olives and tomatoes and olive oil reminds me of Italy. I haven't eaten mayonnaise in years because it is "fattening", the same with avocados and so many more foods that are actually a beneficial part of a nutritious diet! I am grateful I fasted! I feel good about the duration of my fast, the results, and breaking the fast! I will continue with Intermittent Fasting and eating consciously! I am grateful that I can feel free of compulsive eating and emotional eating and I want to continue to eat healthy and fast forever! I love it! Hunger has been so strong and distracting and uncomfortable since Day 4. Yesterday and today, especially, were hard to bear. I had the normal cup of coffee with 2 Tbsp. of cream and a whole cup of determination to make it through today (Day 6) and Day 7, at least. Around noon I had a cup of broth with 1 Tbsp of butter because I just couldn't take it anymore! For afternoon coffee-time, I had a cup of Earl Grey tea with cream. By 8am, I had put up with about as much stomach rumbling as I could take, and combined soymilk, half & half, and turmeric, to make Golden Milk (5 carbs, 100 kcals). So while I did not technically break the fast today, I definitely added more calories in, for a total of about 350-500 kcals, which I have to guess-timate due to the broth.
Tomorrow, I will stay on liquids, so as not to upset my digestive system, but I will increase calorie intake with soup and the like up to 1000 kcals. Friday, I will move into well-cooked veggies and soft foods, up to 1200 kcals. Saturday, eating normally, though low- carb, keto-style, and the same on Sunday. Monday I will start an IF (Intermittent Fast)/Alternate-day Fasting (ADF). I will follow a low-carb, high-fat, keto diet and do my best to stick to vegetarian foods (although to be honest, there might be some bacon involved!). On Monday, I'll water fast all day. On Tuesday, depending on how I feel, I will either skip breakfast and eat around lunchtime for a 42-hr. fast, or eat breakfast, resulting in a 36-hr. fast. The Alternate-day Fasting will help me to continue my fasting progress and weight loss. After about 4 weeks of ADF, I will attempt another extended water fast of 21 days. I am really happy with my decision and the length of this fast. It is a triumph and not a failure. I will not beat myself up because it was a great kickstart and way for me to transition into sugar-free eating. I am convinced that a keto plan is right for me, physiologically and psychologically. Not to mention the unavoidable result of weight-loss. Since there will be no calorie deprivation or sweet deprivation (although the sweets are sugar-free and use sugar-replacements, they are not terribly sweet), I will not feel that sense of deprivation that causes failure. Further, since I will be able to eat high-fat foods I normally avoid as "too fattening", such as avocados, cheese, etc., I will definitely feel less deprived. Since I won't be mixing those with high carb crackers or sugary foods, my body will continue it's ketogenic fat-burn I started with this fast! I am proud of myself, and look forward to the awesome keto recipes I've found on the following sites: https://ketodietapp.com/Blog/lchf/Keto-Diet-Food-List-What-to-Eat-and-Avoid https://alldayidreamaboutfood.com/category/keto-meal-plans/ |
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