It's really late at night; I was drifting off to sleep when I had an epiphany! This is the aspect I love about longer fasts-- the turning inside out, reaching inward, digging it all up, pulling it out into the light of realization, self-awareness, my subconscious thoughts crawling out of the dark into the light, gaining a true knowing about my motivations and actions, seeing myself without any filters, realizing what is going on this brain and heart of mine, letting it all come to the surface, and then discovering the solutions for the thoughts and behavior that cause me problems.
It's not just about food and refeeding. It's not about how long I'll continue this fast and what fast I'll do next. It's not even about my relationship with food. Ultimately, it's about sitting with my feelings, recognizing them, allowing and accepting them, and then being kind to myself. The behavior changes I seek in relation to food will come about by being kind to myself with self-talk, self-care, and mindfulness. Whether I use cream or soymilk, whether I have a "clean" fast or not, whether I lose weight or not--it still comes down to kind recognition and allowing of my feelings. Of course I'll lose weight--it's impossible not to do so. Whether I extend my fast to 30 days, or stop at 21, I still must reframe how I face and manage my emotions. If I can transform these thought patterns and behaviors, the food will no longer be an issue. It's always going to come down to: "How can I be kind to myself in this situation?". My lumbar disc hurts. How can I be kind to myself? I'm anxious about getting an income stream flowing. How can I be kind to myself? I need to exercise more. How can I be kind to myself? I'm not losing weight. How can I be kind to myself? I'm fearful about my future. How can I be kind to myself? I'm worried about the state of the country. How can I be kind to myself? I feel really tired and lethargic. How can I be kind to myself? I'm craving something sweet because I'm upset. How can I be kind to myself? I'm bored. How can I be kind to myself? My body is stiff and uncomfortable. How can I be kind to myself? I don't like how my body looks. How can I be kind to myself? I'm depressed. How can I be kind to myself? I'm angry. How can I be kind to myself? I'm sad. How can I be kind to myself? I feel hurt by _____'s actions. How can I be kind to myself? I feel fat and unattractive. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid of __________. How can I be kind to myself? I wish this _______situation was different. How can I be kind to myself? I'm worried about money. How can I be kind to myself? I'm worring about having a place to go after this. How can I be kind to myself? I'm lonely. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid I'll never be able to _________ again. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid I'm losing my skills. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid no one will hire me. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid of___________. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid I'll never be athletic and thin again. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid I won't be healthy and energetic anymore. How can I be kind to myself? I'm afraid of the government. How can I be kind to myself?
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