In the past, if I was feeling bad during a fast, I would break the fast and eat because I thought the source of feeling bad was from lack of food. In retrospect, I recognize that I merely wanted to eat because I missed eating or felt deprived, but I was using the excuse of feeling poorly to justify eating. I simply wanted to eat.
In an inward perusal of the above thought, I determined that this rationale--however irrational-- was probably behind at least a portion of my overeating behaviours: the desires to eat or overeat, whether I feel bad or not, because I enjoy the food (sugar/carb-laden food specifically). Or am I addicted to the sugar/carbs? Probably yes! It left me wondering if I unconsciously made myself feel "bad" (emotionally, physically), so that I could use that "feeling bad" as an excuse to eat. When I'm "feeling good" (emotionally, physically, mentally), I don't have a desire to overeat... or if I do, it is easy to squelch it. All this came to mind as I sat down to drink my morning cuppa, and I noticed that my heart was beating really fast--like I had just finished exercising. It was beating abnormally fast-- enough for me to take notice. This caused a fractional second of concern, immediately followed by the thought: I should break my fast. Yet I don't really have a desire to eat: whether sugar or healthy food. I am not hungry at all. The thought passed quickly, annotated as "old behavior", recognized and pushed asid. Other happenings during this fast include deep cleansing of my GI tract: I had another undeniable urge to use the bathroom this morning. The BMs are still solid, but make me feel like I'm suffering diarrhea, and my tummy is sore after I use the toilet. Further, the last few days I've been gassy. I can't imagine this is from the small amount of liquid I ingest, at 200 kcals and less. Yesterday I had only about 150 calories worth of soy milk and broth. I slept an hour or two later than normal today. I wonder if that's because of the walk I took and a short asana practice. I woke up feeling fine, but had to take care of the animals immediately since it was later in the morning (730am haha!), instead of my normal routine of enjoying a cuppa and then walking over to let the chixx out. Now, I'm feeling a little tired. And my stomach hurts. I still don't think there's anything wrong, or that I am ill. Most likely, my body is cleansing and detoxifying as part of the fasting process. I've noticed changes in my skin. My clothes fit looser and some of the fat pockets (cellulite?) in my thighs and quads have smoothed out. I've lost a total of 14 lb so far! My skin is starting to smooth out and inflammation that popped up on my face (red spots) is receding. More detoxing. The deep knee goug (that really needed stitches but I thought, "Nah!"), is healing miraculously fast and it seems the scar is disappearing. Autophagy! I should have a really ugly keloid scar from my fall, but I think it's going to heal completely and the scar will be autophagized! It also appears that some of the sun damage on my arms and hands is diminishing, as well! As in all aspects of this tear-down, rebuild, and heal process, the symptoms get worse and then get better. It is definitely an interesting self-experiment, this process of fasting and autophagy. I've also started feeling really, really cold in the morning, until about Noon, when the indoor temps reach 80. I wear sweats and sweaters and thick winter socks! That's been occurring for about 3-4 days now. A quote I heard during one of our TFM groups: "Abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." Ain't that the damn truth. These long fasts are relatively easy. The hard part is eating in moderation and abstaining from sugar/carbs.
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