Grumpy AF Rant!
This morning, I feel tired and headachy. If forgot to take my last “dose” of salt last night. I also had to get up to pee twice during the night, but thought I slept well and plenty outside the bladder wake-up calls. In retrospect, I went to bed perturbed, angry, and confused upon learning that the fasting aides I use may stop autophagy. I already knew calories, food intake, HWC, and broth prevent/stop it, but didn’t know ACV, tea, and what I use in my Ginger-Lemon “tea” (a squeeze of lemon, slices of ginger and turmeric, dashes of cinnamon and cayenne, in boiling water), may be preventing autophagy, too This sucks! That means unless I drink only water (and salt?) I will not experience any autophagy??!!
I’m still waiting on more info and hoping I misapprehended what was said. I’m going to do some research today, but just wanted to get this “off my chest” because I realize I’m still feeling anger about it. I recognize that there is something deeper here (feelings of deprivation). I can fast with teas and my ginger tea and be okay and not feel deprived or that I’m suffering or that fasting sucks. Maybe even only go down to salt and water after a few days of training aides, and maybe after 5 days only use water, but right now the thought of that sucks. I am not going to stop my fast, I am still determined to do 14 days, but I wanted some major physical healing as part of this journey (autophagy damnit!). Fasting is already a challenge, but it seems it will be even harder with only water and salt. Right now I am just bitching and venting; I know part of this upwelling is a result of emotional clearing that comes from fasting so YW and WTF!! If I’m not going to experience any autophagy I might as well continue drinking my morning coffee with HWC because that’s one thing I really enjoy and it’s hard to give up.
Can you see me throwing a really big tantrum right now? That’s what it feels like LOL. I am stamping my feet on the floor! :-))
I’ll be better later, but I guess I’ll be researching autophage all day now-- UGH.
Obviously there are some issues within regarding deprivation, restriction, rebellion, awareness, and acceptance that are surfacing. All the while head is screaming: Why can’t you just be NORMAL like everyone else?
Well, that’s where my head has been since 6am. Geez. Thanks for listening to my needed vent, been holding that in since after last night’s group!!! Oh, and I was double pissed because during our EF, at least 25% of the time was spent talking about food and recipes! It felt like more of a cooking and eating group than a focus on Extended Fasting aargh. I know it was beneficial to many, and in the future I'll just get off the call (which I did toward the end as the food talk just kept going and going!)
With all the bitching, I forgot my morning success! I'm on Day 3.5 and have lost 5 lbs.!! Halfway through my 7-day fast, which means 25% through 14 days! My fancy scale offers multiple metrics, so my body fat, BMI, and more have decreased as well!
Follow up to Grumpy AF post: awareness and acceptance and more learning.
NOT GRUMPY ANYMORE – GRATEFUL!!!
Perhaps after I get over my resistance, I will knuckle down to just water and salt on fasting days. I believe it’s 36 hrs. to reach autophagy. I know that overall, I am receiving healing for body, mind, heart, and soul. I forget that it will not all come at once, the healing will come in stages, during the process, and that this a personal experiment to see what works on all aspects involved. I didn’t do this to my body overnight, so I can’t expect to undo it overnight-–or even in one month! I am glad to remember that!
Initially, I expect to see physical results most immediately. As I continue to fast, I will heal emotionally and mentally, as I replace negative habits and thought patterns; undo my dysfunctional relationships to food, eating, and my body; and learn to build fasting into a lifelong behavior pattern. The emotional and mental healing will take months or years. This is a transition stage as I add fasting to my daily, weekly, monthly, and annual life schedule/season/pattern. I don’t have to experience autophagy right this instant (now, damnit, now!).
I can see now that I’ve purged those feelings, that I got hooked by a thought. I’m grateful to you and the group for helping me catch it, look at it, and separate from it! This fasting journey is going to give me more than I expected! I’ve been actively working on awareness and acceptance in life (trying so hard for years but not able to get it yet!!) and only now do I feel that I am near to manifesting (some of the time!) those while I am fasting! Holy cannoli!
It seems right now I just need to focus on what works for me and stick to it. If hot lemon-ginger water and ACV and the other tools work and help me EF to 14 days, so be it. During my time fasting, many mental and emotional awakenings and changes occur, which is my intent for fasting. Even this, today, is an awakening and a greater awareness (GRATITUDE!!!). As I build my "fasting muscles" with these longer EFs and achieve my physical goals, I will be able to continue and create space for fasting in my life, as a lifestyle. Part of the process will be to change how I fast–-it’s definitely not black-and-white-- over time: long EFs work now, and I will eventually want to see how 3x42s or other options work as I get closer to goal weight. In the long term, I envision TRE or OMAD with LCHF/Keto eating and seasonal EFs of at least 7 days. Again, that could change. Perhaps my all-or-nothing attitude will change with fasting as well (behavior change! behavior change! I want thought and behavior change!), and I won’t use fasting as my new obsession/addiction. The irony that I would lose too much weight and continue to EF to the detriment of my health... probably NOT going to happen though!
Again, I am so grateful for the TFM non-judgmental community who supports, listens, empathizes, and offers helpful feedback to my sometimes “crazy” posts. I’m not apologizing, because this is my personal journey and sometimes I feel “crazy” because of all the emotions/feelings that come up during this process. I don’t know what I’d do without the support... probably not be fasting, and still be fat and miserable!!! So thankees to you all!!
Can you tell I untangle all the knots in my thinking by writing??!!
surprised it is 2020! Holy crap when did that happen!