Day 15.5 - Acceptance

Halfway through Day 15 and feeling good.  :-))

Can't seem to stomach black tea or even Green Tea--makes me nauseous, so I'm back to cream or Half-n-half.  Something about the cream/soymilk cuts the tannins and I don't feel nauseated. I am working on culturing any dairy products I use, even in small quantities for tea or coffee.  I do have a creamy coffee every few days.  I'm not ready to give up my morning tea, because it is a nourishing part of my morning ritual that I truly enjoy on many levels. I study and write in the morning; this is a positive and creative part of my life.  I also feel the need for a little caffeine wake-me-up in the AM. For the present, that's how it is and now I just have to work on accepting it as okay.  I'm disappointed, although I've made so many positive changes that I am NOT discounting (maybe another one is tipping the scale toward too many at once, so there's a thought!), because I really want to transition into a fast that leans more toward, water, black teas, herbal teas, and a cup of bone broth for my hair.  I'm over the hunger issue, or even wanting food.  I wanted to move into deeper autophagy by eliminating all kcals and macros (excluding broth).  On the other hand, I've completed 15.5 days of fasting and that's excellent, so all other changes are a bonus!! Over the last two weeks, my kcals have decreased from around 600 (broth, creams, coco oil, ghee) down to less than 200 (broth, creams).  I was hoping to get that down to the 80kcals of my broth, but for now, where I am is fine. Hell, I'm not trying to punish myself by fasting, so why increase my suffering and reduce my joy/enjoyment?? When it's time, perhaps I'll find a substitue I enjoy for my creamy Double Bergamot Earl Grey. Until that time, I'm going to enjoy every damn cup of it LOL!

Yesterday, I made another pot of bone broth, and that will be simmering 24 hours.  I added some Korean mountain vegetables I have, and a package of roasted gim (seaweed). I used part of a pig's ankle/foot, pork ribs, and chicken thigh/wing.  My broths have been turning out like the bomb! and I enjoy drinking a hot cup every day, late afternoon or early evening.  Yesterday, I cultured some of my half&half and today I'll make yogurt.  I also made fresh soymilk for a nourishing Korean soup I love!  I'll also prep another Korean noodle dish I like, but substitute zucchini or those funky yam noodles for the somyeon wheat noodles.  

I've got my refeeding plan all set out; grocery list made. I'll make a grocery run a few days before I end my fast, and cook up my first few days of nourishing, rebuilding food. 

Despite all the planning, it may sound inconceivable (yeah, just like Vizzini said!) that I'm not dying to break my fast (Inconceivable!!). I truthfully do not miss eating, nor do not miss food, (Inconceivable!). I've moved beyond the feeling of deprivation, fear, and grief associated with the absence of food during fasting, (NOT inconceivable!). I don't feel like I'm missing out, or have fantasies about certain foods I'm going to "reward" myself with when I complete this fast (which is not truly a reward at all). I have relished this time to move deep inside and work on behavioral changes.  The longer fasts really send me deep inside my psyche, heart, and soul. This phenomenon is really, really difficult to put into words verbally, or on paper (virtual paper). I love this process and I'm grateful for the time and space to experience this ultimate healing process!  I know I've said this at least 3 times previously, but it's worth repeating. 

Jeena out.