Energy is too dissipated... Need nourishing activities, not events that drain me further... Am grateful for recognition, even if it is rationalization to avoid a semi-stressful event... Don't need to put any energy "out there", or expend... Need to conserve and contain and build. My resilience is really, really low of late. I've been so drained of life-energy from school, there is little left for me at day's end. I have also been experiencing conflict arising over and over again in personal and professional areas--why am I drawing these experiences to me? I HATE conflict, and try to avoid it or solve it the best I can. Obviously, there is work for me to be done in this area, or it would not keep surfacing. My termper is short, my patience is thin, and thus my reactionism peaks. I can't seem to take the necessary breath-break to gain space between the situation and my response. It seems I am bombarded on a daily basis with challenges, so that I cannot recover standing and strength from one struggle, before the next one jumps up to knock me back down. I start to get a grasp on a problem--a moment to step back and gain clarity and find solutions; a small space of time to reorganize and build my physical and emotional strength, when WHAM! I am smacked down again by some event. If it was one challenge, it would be handled. If there was time between challenges for me to heal and recover and solve the problem, but I am afforded neither reprieve. Instead, there is continual bombardment by problems, conflict, challenges, with no pause between to face and solve before the next assault. I know what some of the solutions are, the challenge (another one!) is in implementing them--having the energy to implement them!
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Fav films...no particluar order, written as they come to memory...
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November 2020
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