Very UN-Welcome Back to Chengdu

Getting the vacation bliss sucker-punched right out of me!

What a shit-storm and raw deal I have returned to in Cdu.  I already dreaded the return to this vile city, and now I really, really despise this overcrowded, grey-weathered place.  Truly, nothing goes well here for me.  It started with being notified by the person with whom I was to stay 3 nights that it was no longer convenient for them.  That's not a big deal, except that I received that information within 4 days of my arrival to this cursed, polluted, grey city.  In the midst of travel, it's hard to make last minute accommodation changes, expecially in a city of 7-20million people (it's China, there are no accurate population stats--let's just say way too many people).  So after spending hours trying to figure out the most central place to be, which would be near to my storage unit but still central to the other places I would need to be, I reserved a homestay for three nights.  Well-- and of course, I find this out the day of my arrival-- the guy gave me the wrong address to the storage unit, so I am nearly 20 effing kilometers away from it!  He gave me the main office address.  When they originally moved my stuff to storage n July, he told me it was near to my house.  Well, not true at all.  Not only that, but I sent my carry on and another medium size box to my storage unit-- or so I thought--only it's at the main office.  So now I get to go to the main office to pick up those items, bring them back to the hotel, then head to the storage unit to go through my things there and get what I need for Australia.  Oh yeah, and the original place I was going to stay, I had to spend a few hours yesterday getting boxes I had shipped there too.  I am feeling really effed by people right now.   Having to move my planned "home base" to a hotel, and now being committed to this hotel, which I had to pay for in advance (it's also kind of shitty and not looking as shiny as it did in the advert).  It doesn't sound like a big deal, except that I am lugging around numerous boxes and suitcases -- without a hand cart (that was an extra hour to figure out yesterday) -- 20 km all over this traffic-congested city, which takes 40 minutes to get anywhere, not counting the cost of the car service which is already adding up. 

Needless to say, my anticipation in coming back and having a nice weekend before I left has diminished to nil.  I just want to get the storage unit figured out, sell what I can, and GTFO.  I cancelled the dinner party I planned with friends because I've got too much to do and no one to help anyway.  I have lost my enthusiasm for being here entirely.  Add to all that the angry I am feeling at the person who let me know last minute I couldn't stay with them, and the overall enui that overwhelms the people I know here.  They aren't enthused either because both the city and their jobs drain life right out of them. So no help there. And the gd storage guy for that vastly effed mistake. That really effed me.  So basically, being back in Cdu makes me feel effed by all sides.  Just great.

And yeah, yeah, yeah I really, really, really am trying to be compassionate and retain the peace I gained during my two months away from this shithole.  But damn, the circumstances and the nasty city just sucked it all away pretty quickly.  I am trying to place my anger somewhere, like onto the personage of the city, to be less angry at the people involved.  Or just be angry about the circumstances and forgive the people.  I really am!  I want to be compassionate toward myself, and do the best I can and not kill myself too much with all the moving and organizing and packing I need to do.  Maybe I can just bust my ass today, switch hotels, get a massage and a pedi, and then only have a few details to wrap up tomorrow (I only have tomorrow anyway hehehe... I fly out Sunday).  And what is all of this telling me?  What is the lesson?  I can retain my peace and happiness regardless of the whirlwind of chaos happening outside of me.  I can send thoughts of compassion to the person who was too overwhelmed to have visitors, and I can be grateful that I found a storage unit in China that  is trustworthy.  Soon, I will have my Bose noise-cancelling headphones (heaven!), so I can drown out the screams and screeches of traffic, which will help calm me.  I will figure out something productive to do as I sit in traffic for hours today.  I will plow through the boxes and get what I need packed for Australia.  Quickly, these last two days in Cdu will be over, I will be out of this hellhole and in the arms of the sunny port of Melbourne.  From there, I'll figure out what to do with my stuff, so I can get it out of China and not deal with this insanity anymore. 

It will all be okay. It will all work out.  I'll get it all done.  I can remain at peace and happy regardless of circumstances.  I can remain in touch with my Higher Self.  I will remember to stay grounded in the present moment and let go of both the past and the future.

---