What is this that fuels my pursuit of love? My desire and need for companionship has me questioning myself, pouring doubt into my soul, instead of filling me with acceptance. Then, an epiphany. It is not a weakness, nor a character flaw. I do not seek a life mate to receive or get or fulfill and feel whole. I Am That. It's in the giving, the expression, and the sharing of love, that I wish to live. I mustn't be a solitary woman to prove my strength in my alone-ness, or gain a higher level of awareness, or learn about myself. In the right relationship, I could be the Expansive Being Of Light that I am, fully recognized and appreciated, and in that recognition, expand further. Recognition and acknowledgement become a reflection that brightens the light within. Yes, I AM THAT. So Hum.
I've been mistaken in my judgement laid down upon my self, that this constant yearning for a love relationship was some sort of emotional dysfunction I had not yet faced and worked through. It is the condition of my soul to love. It is the highest crystallization of my being;, to give love, to receive love, and continue offering whether received or not. The foundation of my spirit is love, and it is to expand and share all that I have to give. How could it possibly be a character flaw that needs some sort of cognitive behavioral therapy to be fixed! (HA!)
And thus, I will continue my search, and though relationships my pass in and out of my life until my physical body dies, I know that with each one I gain; each one helps me grow, each one makes me stronger, and more loving, not less. My heart opens more and more. There is no longer a rebound, for I don't seek the same person, I know I have the strength to be alone, and I am quick to claim ownership of my mistakes and learn from them. I feel that each step, rather, each relationship, has been a ladder in life, and I have moved up and up. I have come so close to the sacred love which I desire. The love where love is given without conditional demands of its return. Where there is support and building and moving upward, expansion and positive evolution, personal and emotional growth, evolution beyond the romance and the flirtation, to a spiritual love that embraces the individual and wants the other's happiness whether that is with me or not. That sacred love already exists within me, as I have learned that all living beings are lovable, because we are all one. We are all the same spirit. I can send loving thoughts to the Osama Bin Ladins of the world, as well as the Dalai Lama, and just as equally to my friends and family. This is that sacred love working within me.
At this juncture, I cannot settle for less than the full evolution of myself and the love within me, and thus, I require it of another person. I seek that which is whole already, like myself. I do not wish to deny my limitations and selfish yearnings and areas where I need to change. I want to look at myself straight on. And feel love anyway. I grasp completely the need to love myself wholly, understanding the spiritual being I am, beyond body and mind and emotion. I can reclaim my joy for life in that statement, for it is this remembrance that brings true, lasting joy. I do not need another in my life to love me. I want another in my life to share this love and joy and this journey. There is much fun to be had on the adventure! And I want to share it with someone. There's absolutely nothing dysfunctional or needy about seeking this equal.
I love living and learning and the evolution of my Self! Yeah! Epiphanies!!! :-)
...Small actions in a dynamic system will trigger vast and unexpected changes