I grasp intellectually all the aspects of who I am, who is witnessing, and of identification with that which is not the True Self. My challenge is maintaining a conscious grasp on who I Am, and remaining in awareness. It's too easy to fall back in to habitual modes of thoughts and action. Stay up a little too late, get up a little too late, miss a practice here or there becomes missing most practice and sinking deeper into unconscious living.
There are moments of peace and gratitude, but then I move about my day, forgetting; allowing little things to irritate me, getting attached to my view of how reality should be playing out. I return to identification with so much of human life: my body, my job, my happiness, my unhappiness. How can I maintain continuous awareness in such a loud, distracting world? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the answer already damnit! Prioritize my practice! To maintain awareness of That I Am, I must dedicate myself to morning practice, without wavering. This means going to bed early so that I can get up and not feel rushed. This means doing Agni Sara before lunch. This means abhyanga and pranayama before bed so that I sleep soundly. But still I feel stuck in continual identification with all the distractions in life. I want to keep my attention on the fact that I AM Life! I must remember this and remember that Grace will meet me as I reach; all the benevolent forces of the Universe are with me.
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...That I am not a person! Life takes care of Life Grace will move to meet me as I reach Water hits a rock, and it doesn't argue, it flows around. I can be happy wherever I am, even in the cold dreariness of Chengdu; even at this job that is misery. I need to: Keep my attention on the fact that I am life. Ask Grace to Open my heart Keep my attention inside Keep my attention on my heart All the benevolent forces of the universe are with me I am getting attached to circumstances at school again-- attached to the need to have my work environment be positive and fulfilling.
I need to remember who I am, and that I get in trouble when I forget that. Maintain my positive habits, so that the momentum of negative habits do not sink my awareness. |
iGallivant...... asana, pranayama, meditation and the true Self. Archives
September 2020
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