Day 176 - Ash or Phoenix

"Whether we remain ash or the Phoenix is up to us."
-Deng Ming-Dao

I am grateful that I am still in the process of learning: learning about life, learning about myself, learning about others. Everything comes and goes; continual balance and equanimity would be as unnatural as always being high and happy or conversely, the downturn of events never changing for the better. This is a lesson I am still learning, that life is an ebb and flow of ups and downs. Life is like the tide and like the ocean wave. I strive for balance, and yet, at the same time, I must accept those dark times of personal turmoil, challenge, and disaster. In the same manner, with the same acceptance, I must accept that happiness and success and the manic periods of riding the crest will come to an end. Then it all begins again. I want to remember that the negative flows into the positive and the positive flows into the negative and realize the cycle and turn of events, and find equanimity in that knowledge, whether during the storm or during the sunny beach days. If I struggle against the ebb tide, I only get tired and more panicky. If I refuse to let go during the flow tide, I will forget that the ebb must necessarily follow, and then I will struggle again. I want to remember the quote above during the downturns, that I can remain burnt and decayed from the upcoming trials, or I can shake off the darkness and fly up into the light. I choose to evolve! I am Sun Wukong! I am Gina the Light! I am The Goddess! I will always rise up into the light, because I am the light!
I am grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful for these wonderful books that teach me what I need to know. I am grateful that these lessons come to me in the right time.
I acknowledge that in current times, I am riding up out of a deep trough, hanging ten toward the crest, heading back to the top of my wave. In this acknowledgement, there is the recognition that once I am flying along my wave, I will eventually fall (even though I want to deny this and remain "positive" that it will not happen, that "life is good" and "all is well", no matter what), crash and burn, or get knocked down. Within this knowing, I can find peace and equanimity and prepare to "not struggle", not fight the downturn, and float along with tide, whichever way it moves. In that way, in preparing my mind and heart and spirit, the fall will be easier, the acceptance will be greater, and the landing won't hurt as much. I will get back up and get back on and look for that next wave as I move back up to the top.
I am grateful for this knowledge.
I am grateful for a lot of things, events, people.
I think I will simply be grateful!